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Teens and Sex (input please)
- Jul 2, 2010 at 11:09 PM
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- Comments (6) Total Views (267) Everyone can see this journal post.
I have recently found out that my teenage daughter is having sex. Well I guess I knew about last year. I found out about it by some comment that one of her friends made on her "myspace" page. After a few days of me cooling off I talked to her about it. I wasn't sure if she actually consented to the act fully or not. I still am not sure just by the way she acted and some of the things she had said. That was the first time and about a year ago.
Now just the other day I found out that she and her boyfriend for all of three weeks had sex. I don't know all the details of it. I just know that it happened and then they broke up. I don't know what to do about it. I really don't condone sex before marriage, even though at her age and even younger I was having sex. I don't like to even think about my kids having sex ever!
After the first time I found out, I took her to the Dr.'s to help discuss options for her and to help educate her about things that can happen if she has unprotected sex, since when I try to talk to her she acts like I don't know what I am talking about. The Dr. thought that I should get her started on birth control back then. I didn't want to do it then since it only was that one time and it wasn't like she was going out sleeping with every boy she met. To me by putting her on birth control is like telling her that I am condoning her choice to have sex before marriage. Which is totally against what I stand for, however at the same rate I don't want my daughter to get pregnant at 15 or get STD's.
I was a teen mother myself with her. In my Jr. year of high school was was pregnant with her and just before my Sr. year she was born. I tried to explain to her some of the struggles that I had with her and going to school and working and being a parent when I really wanted to be out with my friends doing things that teenagers do but I had to opt out on a lot of things because I had a baby to take care of. Of course this conversation only made her mad and she told me she isn't going to get pregnant.
I want to put a leash on her so bad and tell her she can't go out with he friends because of her choices, but she is nearly 16 and needs to make her own mistakes, or make her own choices mistakes or otherwise.
I am just lost at what to do, should I get her on some birth control and supply her with condoms or do you think that would just tell her that I am giving her permission to go have sex?
Input please!
Comments:
It is really hard to have to sit back & watch our "Little Ladies" grow- up and let them learn some very hard life lessons sometimes- But, in this case I would definitely let her get on BC & hand her a whole bag of comdoms- Every talk i have ever had with my daughter i always told her that i could handle Anything Except having to hold her hand in a hospital bed watching her die of Aids- something that is so preventable by being responsible- i am sure you feel the same way- I would much rather help her take every step possible to be protected then her getting a disease or having a baby- if & when they are going to have sex there is nothing you are going to be able to do to stop them- unless you lock them up & they will probably still find a way! I always wanted my daughter to feel she could come to about anything, so as hard as it was sometimes- i tried to keep a open mind- She is now 24, and we are very close- A matter of fact, the only time i had any trouble with her was between 15 & 16; just like your daughter she thought she knew So Much more than me- i promise your daughter will eventually come back down to earth! I think we all want our kids to wait until marriage but, in reality it most likely isn't going to happen that way- All we can do is help them be educated and instill in them how important it is to protect themselves no matter what- Wishing you lots of luck!
She's already having sex. Putting her on birth control will ensure that she doens't wind up pregnant. Supplying her with condoms will reduce the risk of STD's. You can still tell her she can't go out with her friends, etc. But in regards to her having sex, she's already doing it so you might as well make sure she's protected.
I agree with everyone else, put her on birth control, at least then you don't have to worry about pregnancy. Supply her with condoms and talk to her calmly, let her know she can come to you about anything. If by chance she does become pregnant you don't want her to hide it from you, you want to be able to help her with whatever she needs right? Good luck.
it's time to face the music and accept she is sexually active. now is the time to have a talk with her about the choices she has made. present the option of going on birth control and see what she decides. it is far better she is on the pill and provide her with condoms than for her to come to you and tell you she is pregnant. i don't think it's a matter of condoning her behavior, just a matter of accepting it. maybe you can have her meet a teen mom. sometimes that's a reality check in itself.
good luck!!
It is hard to accept that your daughter is having sex...I too have a daughter (18) who is sexually active...I have also told her that no matter what she can come to me with any problems...While BC is certainly the best option for not getting pregnant you must also remember that it does not cover STD's. Make sure she understands that she must always use a condom no matter what...take her to the GYN and have the doctor explain the different types of STD's. Don's expect her to be honest with you all the time, but with time she will trust you...Good luck
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Aww, I'm sorry to hear this. I just turned 22 and I still vividly remember how I was when my mom first found out I was sexually active ( I lost my virginity at 18) and from a teen's perspective, I remembered how I just really tried to avoid talking to my mother whenever she brings up the topic of sex after the fact. I just felt weirded out and I felt completely uncomfortable talking to my own mother and that's why I shut her out when it came to this topic. (she NEVER had 'the talk' with me) I admit that I wished she would have talked to me a whole lot sooner about sex because as time progresses, it gets the more difficult and there goes the point of no return. And maybe if she talked to me a lot sooner I probably wouldn't have felt so ashamed or embarrassed to have any conversation with her. Once again, I am sorry you have to go through that, But you don't want your daughter to become pregnant right? I had an unplanned pregnancy at 19 (just 1 1/2 years after losing my virginity) and had to go through the rough reality of being a mother, while I don't regret having a child, I still wished my mom was more insistant about it and me being so stubborn.
- Rosxjun
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