What do I do?

[talladegas_mom]

My head is spinning right now.  Way too much in just a week.  After 4 1/2 years of marriage and 3 years of complete misery Hubby and I finally called it quits.  Weird thing is, we are still friends and will be living together until September when I move back to Oregon.

The weirdest part is since we are broken up we are both allowed to talk to other people.  I immediately want to go and talk to my Jake.  I have been in love with him since our first date, but I was 19 and he was going through a lot emotionally.  Not that guys ever admit that.  

The quick back story is we dated on adn off or about a year.  I was closer to him than anyone ever before and sadly after.  He had a drinking problem and I just couldnt stay there anymore.  One week we were not talking and I met my hubby.  We immediately rushed into dating or sleeping together and after 1 month he proposed.  I said yes mainly to make Jake mad.  I wanted him to want me and to try adn stop me.

But by the time he did I didn't want to hurt my hubby's eelings so I went ahead witht he wedding and one month later I got pregnant.   And threw mysel into such a deep depression I never could admit to anyone why.  So 4 1/2 years later I am going through a seperation and have 2 beautiful kids and an awesome friend.  But there is no love there.  From either of us.

And all i can do is think about Jake.  I messaged him and he is still single and still just as much infatuated with me as he was before.  Only now he also has two kids and has quit drinking and has a job and is going to college to further that job.

Part o me just wants to run into his arms and have my happiness back.  But the other part know I can't be rushing into anything before I am even officially divorced.  I just don't know what to do.  I wish I could just forget him.  But he's too much a part of me already.

[scrapbug]

Jul. 7, 2010 at 6:23 AM

I am in a similar situation. After 7 years and two kids we are splitting. He has another girl who lives in CO, and I have known about her for a month now and we are still living under the same roof until August. Last night I spent an hour on the phone talking to the love of my life who is in Alabama. We dated when I was 18-19 off and on. Everyone told us we should be married because we already acted like it then. I moved away at 19 (<------dummy lol). We have talked off and on over the years, but the last time before this was about 3 years ago, and then we were telling each other how much we still loved each other. We lost touch not too long after that, and then I found him again this weekend. We picked right back up where we left off. Both of us just kept saying how bad we wanted to see each other and hold each other, but like you I don't know to rush or not. I know I WANT to badly, but is it the right thing, I don't know.

[NannyB.]

Jul. 7, 2010 at 8:08 AM

Happiness is a choice.  Love is really more of a choice than it is a feeling, most of the time.  Four years is not long enough to know whether or not your marriage could have been successful.  If you have been thinking of someone else the whole time, it really never had a chance.  Sometimes, having a husband who knows how to be a friend is worth way more than having one who is a good lover.  I'm not sure one can really understand just how important friendship in marriage can be until after there have been some instances where it has to be proven.  Any relationship destined on the physical is pretty much destined to fail unless there is the willingness to get to know each other on a level that is far more important than the physical.  Maybe while you wait to go back to the other man, you could spend that time examining the depths of his character, which is what really matters in the long term.