I am loosing it

[momof3youngboys]

I don't like who I have become.  I am exhausted and stressed from the moment I get up till the moment I fall asleep.  I have 5 boys, a 5 year old, 4 year old twins, a 2 year old and my youngest turns 1 next week.  All they do is fight and argue.  I feel like all I do all day is clean cook, split up fights and get yelled at.  Neither my in laws or parents offer to watch all 5 kids...it gets to be too much.  Now I am not saying that I have awful kids, when I take them out I am always getting compliments on how well behaved they are and what nice boys I have.  But I am not dealing with the daily life well right now...

I have always prided myself on my patience, it has always been one of my strengths, but it has been worn too thin for too long and I feel like I am cheating my kids out on a fun mom.  I used to want to do things, go to the park, art projects, decorate cookies.  Now I have to make myself do these things. Not because the actual activity is bad but because the getting ready for it and the cleaning up from it are too much for me to take.  

I know that they are young and that they are selfish but I just need a break and I don't know where to go to find one.  I used to use my grocery shopping as an escape but the boys were really needing some one on one time (who can blame them) so we are now on a rotation and they get to go with and pick out the cereal and snacks for the week...it is good for them, but there goes my little amount of me time.  

As I am writing this my children  are pretending to be helpless my 2 year old can't seem to reach his blankie and wants me to get it for him (it is on the floor about a foot from him) one of my 4 year olds has finished his drink but thinks that I need to take his cup to the kitchen instead of him...please don't think that I wait on them I don't, I refuse to do these little things for them.  

I just wish I could get either a good nights sleep or a nice long break where I could just sit in quiet and rest.  please tell me I am not the only one who is going or has gone crazy.

[MrsBirks]

Jul. 8, 2010 at 3:18 PM

Oh hun, you are not alone.  There must be soooo many mum's on here who feel the same but don't want to admit it for fear of being bashed!  I have 3 kids, one girl who is nearly 8, and two boys aged 5 and 5months.  My girl is autistic and this creates a lot of pressure for me and my family, most days  i feel like all i do is shout and argue! Keep your chin up and know that it will get better in time :-)

[momof3youngboys]

Jul. 8, 2010 at 3:25 PM

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement!!!

(Original Poster)

[Amelia_Bd]

Jul. 8, 2010 at 3:33 PM

You are not alone for sure! I only have 2 boys...2 1/2 and the youngest will be one next week too! I had decided to stay home with them and not go back to work...but I am going insane! I don't know what to do with myself anymore...and feel my kids deserve better from me. I remember how working made me feel...of course I would get tired from being busy all the time but it was a different kind of tired. Working is my ME time...were I get to get out of the house and be with adults for a while. I have been getting sick (like crazy sick) for the past 4 months and my doctor is doing a bunch of tests to make sure nothing serious is wrong, she mostly thinks stress is the cause, that I should go out a bit when the kids are sleeping...but if I do so I am exhausted for the next week.

I just recently made the decision to go back to work and even if I do feel a little guilty about it, I also feel relieved that I will soon get to go back to work! After all, I need to take care of myself if I want to be able to take care of my kids.

You have 5 kids..so I am guessing work might not be an option for you. Can you go see a counselor maybe? Talk about what is going on? He/she might be able to hep you find a solution to make you feel better. I did and it helped a lot...it always help to hear that what you are feeling is normal and that you are not alone...not at all...especially coming from a professional who seen worst I am sure lol!

I think you are very courageous...5 boys under 5...I know I couldn't do it! I hope you start feeling better soon mama!

[momof3youngboys]

Jul. 8, 2010 at 4:16 PM

Thank you Amelia_Bd!!  I am glad to hear your need to get out of the house, it wouldn't be possible for me to go to work, no job could pay enough to justify daycare. I did go to work almost 2 years ago now, part time stocking shelves at a local store from 5-9, but I just got too tired!!!  I just need to find some time to get out by myself...I will have to make that a goal of mine I guess!!  I hope that you find some health and happiness at your new job!

(Original Poster)