Here's where I have been... I miss you all!!!

[orange4agua72]

 

 So, I felt I needed to get all this out. After ALL the WONDERFUL and amazing support I was given, I felt VERY ashamed, like I let people down, and have been staying away from cafemom for over a week. I feel AWFUL, so here's my explaination of it all...

After MUCH thought and WORRY: I had my son on Friday, July 2 at 1:30pm via scheduled c-section. It was probably the hardest decision I've ever made to give up my dream and hopes of having a VBA4C, but it was a good one in the end. I was absolutely tearing myself apart trying to make it happen and it was doing me more harm than good to worry about it!

My c-section went wonderful, except my spinal wearing off in the middle and them having to give me something else to kill the pain of the surgery. My husband got to video tape my son being born and it was the MOST amazing thing in the world. It's the closest I have and will ever come to seeing my child being born and it is SOOOOO amazing! It still blows me away... even though I didn't do a darn thing to get him out, just seeing one of my children actually being born for the first time EVER is just MIND BLOWING!!!!

I was also told that my uterus was as thin as it possibly could be without actually being ruptured. They cut me open and everyone in the room went "OH MY, NO MORE KIDS FOR YOU!!!" They litterally said my uterus was like a window and they could see my son! So, even though hubby and I decided like a week before that he wasn't getting fixed and we would see how we felt about having another one in like 5 years, I am now "not alowed to". It's killing me inside to know that I'm done forever. Done being pregnant and done having beautiful children. I kow 5 is a lot, but I just can't imagine at the age of 24 being DONE having children already! It's not safe for me or another baby AT ALL to be pregnant at all, so even if we want more, it doesn't matter... WE'RE DONE, and it's killing me inside!

Other than that our son is doing AMAZING!!! Breast feeding is going better than I could have EVER imagined, I don't know why, but it's COMPLETELY different this time and he's SOOOOO good!

So, I'm depressed and happy all at the same time. I have 5 WONDERFUL HEALTHY children and a my husband is being SUPER supportive, even with me crying a lot.

Thanks SOOOOO much for ALL your support, advice, and comfort through my whole pregnancy, you ladies rock my world and are SOOOO amazing!!!!

[rileysmommy229]

Jul. 11, 2010 at 7:50 PM

it sounds to me like the safest option was the c-section anyway since your uterus is SO thin! Your kids are beautiful! CONGRATS!.

[lilmama22806]

Jul. 11, 2010 at 8:09 PM

Aww, no need to apologize. Congrats on your beautiful baby boy and your other four beautiful children. YOU rock! Take care mama.

[daye62]

Jul. 12, 2010 at 9:00 AM

You owe these women no apologies,honey! I hate that they can at times be so radical as to make a woman ashamed of a private healthcare decision,and to have taken your mind off the blessing that you and baby are healthy and this was a joyful and blessed event no matter how you got to the end...well,it's immoral.Ladies,as the givers of life, let us support each other and stop pretending that we know it all,that one woman's journey is the right one for another.As long as mother and baby are healthy let us acknowledge that just maybe our way wasn't the only way.Congratulations on the newest addition to your family!

[fallenfey22]

Jul. 12, 2010 at 12:38 PM

Congrats on your beautiful baby boy Mama! I understand being ashamed as well. I wound up having to have a c-section when I wanted so badly to do natural labor. As it turns out...I'll never be able to give birth vaginally. My heart was broken...and I felt like I somehow let everyone down who was rooting for me. Know that the c-section was the best option for you. Know that you haven't let anyone down. And most of all know that we are all still here and waiting to hear more from you! :)

[PieceOfMe3303]

Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:43 PM

Sorry to hear about the surgery and that you cant have kids anymore. I'm 25 and I understand. Thats how I felt when they told me I was infertile. But there is a plan for everything and everyone. It sounds like stopping is safer for you and any future babies. GL with your new LO and the rest of your family! You havent let anyone down on cm so no worries!

[LavenderMom23]

Jul. 14, 2010 at 8:47 AM

Try not to be so hard on yourself, it sounds like the C-section was the very best option you could have chosen. It's always hard to hear "you're done" about anything but especially something as wonderful as having children. However, you have been so greatly blessed and I'm glad you are both doing well ! :)

[livewell]

Sep. 30, 2010 at 5:24 PM

I'm so sorry that you didn't get your VBAC and then had to face not having more. We have 5 too, and are thinking maybe one more...and I know that I would be devastated if the choice was taken from me.