dear sweet ass hole husband of mine..
i love you i truly do.. u make me laugh . u comfort me when i feel upset.. but we dont get along lately.. have we ever got along. depends on who you ask. we have been together for 8 years and thats a long time when im 27 and your 30. i know that no one else loves our batman(ds) as you do. for some reason i think u have began to hate me. your sick of my mental illness issues and u love to throw them in my face when you are angry. who told u that your mind was perfect.. i think u have issues of ur own u just havent been diganosed like i have.....
i know that times have been tough and we use to be well off and not broke all the time.. in the last 3yrs we have had a child ; moved 2hrs awy from our family and friends for cheaper rent; we lost a car and now we have one. we have had to go on government help.. it hurts me so bad when u blame me. im not the one who wanted a 300 dollar car payment.. i was just fine with 2000 ford escort that only one door opened.. at least that car was mine.
today we had plans to go to soak city bc my mom got us passes.. but my dum ass lost the car key and now its going to cost 160 dollars to fix. u have every right to be pissed off at me! there went all our grocery money. thank god i have a wic appt this week.. u didnt know but i stashed 50 dollars in the macorni cheese box. for a moment like this. but that doesnt matter to u.. u wnt to be angry with me.. when we fight we say the meanest possible things to one another.. if anyone else heard us i would be down right embarrsed.. i hate fighting in front of our son. its wrong and we both knw it! u get mad when i talk to my sister and my mom abt our problems. but those are my two best friends... its not like i sit there and talk crap all day... i tell them how hard u work and what a great father u are.
right now u are at the pool and i just want to stay inside im depressed abt the key and i just dont wnt to deal with people.im sorry for being so short with u all the time... its like i keep all my patience for ryder than snap at u. my aniexty has been so bad lately i keep losing weight. today im 115 and two weeks ago i was 130. im making a choice to not give up just bc marriage is hard. im making a choice to be aware of how i talk to u..next time i get angry i need to pray! just pray and wait and see how i feel in 20 min. you are my world . i dont know wht i would do if i lost u.. please please try just try. 8 yrs is alot to throw awy.......
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