This was posted on an adoptee-only message board on another forum far-far away. I thought the words were VERY powerful. I wish that expectant mothers who are considering adoption can read the words of adoptees such as this one and maybe realize that adoption IS legalized abajndonment!
".... you can't just pretend you weren't abandoned by those people... and for them to want to be called by the family relationships titles that would have been if you hadn't been abandoned by them is not acknowledging what actually took place--- you were "tossed" out of the family, raised in a fairly "normal american home" (whatever that is LOL) and then they wanna just take up like nothing happened, and it just isn't so. Pretending to be someone's child when you're an adoptee doesnt work, but neither does pretending you're the child of the family that relinquished you... just pretending the abandonment never happened won't work either. Have you dealt with the anger of beinng given away? I often think I have, only to find out -- nope.... definitly still there! You fit neither place and you fit both places, and you are also completely unique. That is the fractured life of an adoptee, no such thing as wholeness. Finding does not bring wholeness, although I think that is what motivates most of us to trek through burning sand (metaphorically speaking) to find our birthfamilies, is to stop that horrible feeling of emptiness, and it may shock a lot of people to know, that nothing will ever stop that feeling. There simply is no cure. You will find out a lot of things when you locate the birthfamily, some good, some bad, all worth knowing (even the bad) but the hole will always be there, and the abandonment is a wound that will never heal. It formed your VERY FIRST impression of the world we live in. And anger over the abandonment is something even "enlightened" adoptees seldom talk about. It's the very root of our existence--a sacred and delicate and VITAL trust was demolished in the first hour of life. It can never be fixed. Adoptees live in a realm somewhere in between... never completely here, nor there between the birthfamily and the adopters, even if both sides are complete and total saints (which they're not) we simply exist in the space between them, neither fully one or the other. Sad. But there it is."