bvannkissy's Journal

WHERE IS THIS CM RIDE GOING TO TAKE ME??

catSOMETIMES I HAVE GOOD DAYS.SOMRTIMES I HAVE BAD DAYS.& THIS IS ONE OF THOSE BAD DAYS.I MISS HIM SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!! AND NOW I'M GOING THRU  WORRYING ABOUT LOSING MY OTHER 2 SONS.I'M DRIVING THEM CRAZY.MY YOUNGEST SON,JERRAD, DRIVES THE ROAD HE WAS KILLED ON EVERY DAY & NIGHT.THE MEMORIAL IS STILL UP WHERE HE WAS HIT & JERRAD SAYS HE'S O.K. WITH SEEING IT ALL THE TIME BUT I REALLY THINK IT BOTHERS HIM SOMETIMES.I THINK HE'S JUST TRYING TO BE STRONG FOR ME & I APPRECIATE IT BUT I SEE THE PAIN IN HIS EYES  SOME DAYS.I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DRIVE BY THERE SINCE HIS FUNERAL IN JANUARY.I GO TO A GRIEF & LOSS GROUP EVERY WENDSDAY.I WRITE IN MY JOURNAL ALL THE TIME.GOD , I'M HURTING SO BAD RIGHT NOW. I REMEMBER THE PAIN WHEN HE WAS FIRST KILLED.I DIDN'T KNOW THAT KIND OF PAIN.IT WAS UNBEARABLE & MY HEART  FELT LITERALLY BROKEN. I DON'T FEEL THAT PAIN ANYMORE.SO I GUESS IT DOES GET BETTER.BUT THE MISSING HIM.I FEEL LIKE I'M RAMBLING SO I THINK I'LL STOP FOR NOW.

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Comments:

Airfo...
Sep. 6, 2010 at 1:46 PM

OMG Brenda.. I am so so sorry to just now learn about this loss. I can not imagin the pain. I wish I was there to help you thru this. I know it is hard. But now you have me as a friend and I will always be there for you. I worry about my kids all the time. Especailly Samantha. my youngest who is in the USAF over in Turkey. In July on a Sat. morning, I had learned that she just about took her life due to a relationship break up and found out  that she was preg. the day before. The hurt was so overwhelming Cuz i was not able to be with her and she  was somewhat a lone. I have another daughter there with her miltary husband, that helped her too. Anyway, she lost the baby while being in the hospital. I know this is not the same, but for some reason, I feel more connected to you. You will make it thru this.. I promise.   Friends now forever.. Brenda

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