When will things go back to NORMAL??? (TMI)

[orange4agua72]

 I want my life back... I want to stop worrying SO much about everything... I HATE the way things are right now... I'm SO miserable...

1. I found out in December that my now husband cheated on me while we were dating the first time. Not just once, but many times, although it was with the same person. It killed me, absolutely KILLED me and is still tearing at my heart. The reason it has all come back so strongly right now is because at that time in our relationship we were not physically involved at all and were very distant. And NOW I just had a baby 2 weeks ago, and I feel like we're in that place again. We don't really talk and when we do it's about his work. We haven't had sex in two weeks and we normally do at least once a day. I guess I kinda thought he'd ask me or try to get me to "help him out" at least by now, but nothing. He hasn't even said a word about it! It's making me feel VERY worried and VERY insecure. The last time I had a baby he was all over me and I gave him pretty much whatever he wanted until I could have real sex again. (Sorry, I know TMI) But this time it's completely different...

2. I litterally have lost 28 out of the 35lbs I gained with this pregnancy already and it's only been 2 weeks. You think my husband would say anything to me about it? NOPE, hasn't mentioned one thing. I'm sorry, but I feel like I look DAMN good for just having my 5th child in 5 years and then losing almost all the baby weight so fast, I'd be nice if my husband even noticed me! I even went to hubby's work the other day to pick something up and we were standing around talking for a few minutes with a couple of his friends and all they could do was tell me how good I looked, but my own husband has yet to say a word!

3. I DO NOT want this wedding! Hubby and I are ALREADY married! I don't want all this stress and work and extra money being spent! It's TEARING me apart trying to get this done. It's TWO weeks from today and there's more to be done than I can even imagine! I litterally don't even know where to begin!!!

4. There should NOT be a bachelors party! I'm livid! Hubby and I talked about this a while ago, that because we are already married we missed our chance for this kind of party. NOW all the sudden it went out the window. He tried to tell me last night it was a "wedding party"... OH REALLY? then why is it separate with guys and girls? This will be the ONLY day we can have together until late August because of the wedding and him going to Germany. And he's going to spend it GONE all day while I stay home with the kids alone. He has told me to go out too, but I CAN'T! I'm EBF, I can't leave the baby for more than 2 hours, I'm litterally stuck. And I don't WANT TO! I told my BFF a long time ago we weren't having bach parties because obviously we're already married, but NOW all the sudden HE IS, and I'm STUCK just thinking about how AWEFUL it makes me feel!

5. I had to drop my classes... I have lost the ONE thing that was getting me out of the house to be with other adults. I'm SO depressed about it. I didn't have a choice though, I was getting behind and it was either my sanity or the classes. I'm so disappointed in myself, but I just had too much on my plate and something had to give, so of course I made the sacrifice so I could deal with home life and the wedding, which now is making me even more miserable...

6. I miss being pregnant. I don't want to be done having children. BUT the choice is not mine...

7. Is it possible to LOVE breastfeeding and HATE IT??? I love feeding the baby and I really do feel a bond with him that I've never felt with any of my other kids before, but it's KILLING ME! I can't do anything. My day and nights and things I have to do have to be planned around him eating because my husband doesn't want me BF in public EVER! We went to a parade last week and I sat in the car for over an hour total at different points just to feed him. We had a big cookout last Saturday with like 50 people and I spent half of it inside on the couch by myself feeding him.Tonight we are going to a work party and I know I'm going to end up spending half of it in the car by myself. I just don't know what to do!!!... I want to BF because I REALLY enjoy it and it's going VERY well, but I can't STAND being SO out of it all the time, it's DEPRESSING!!!

Ok, I'm done venting for now....

[GinaPQueen]

Jul. 17, 2010 at 10:20 AM

It sounds like your hormones are doing a lot of the talking here.  I don't know how in the world with 5 kids, including a newborn, I could have ever had a cookout with 50 people at my house.  I suffer with post partum terribly and it's a huge chore to even go to the grocery store months after giving birth.  Is this a real wedding that you guys are having and why did you decide to do this?  I know that many people renew their vows, but this sounds like a big TO-DO!  If you aren't feeling up to it, postpone it or keep it lower key.  Also, talk to your husband and tell him exactly how you are feeling.  You may think that he's not attracted to you anymore, but maybe he's actually just trying to be decent and respectable and give you  some time to heal.  You are a better woman than I am.  If I had 5 kids and was still sore, bleeding with stitches and my husband wanted me to take care of him, I would tell him where to go! 

[GinaPQueen]

Jul. 17, 2010 at 10:28 AM

5 kids that are 5 years and under!  WOW!  You are super-mom! 

I just looked at your profile and saw that you live in Fort Wayne.  I grew up going to church camp in Angola.  It was the best week of my whole summer for 8 yrs straight! 

[fallenfey22]

Jul. 17, 2010 at 3:20 PM

*HUGS* I know what you mean about bf'ing. I feel so stuck. The difference is hubby will let me feed in public if I'm covered...but I don't go anywhere. I can't. I don't have a car. At the same time, I love feeding my baby and refuse to quit just because I want to go somewhere.

Hang in there Mama. I hope things turn around for you.

[lizabeth8152004]

Jul. 19, 2010 at 10:51 PM

Hello,

 

I cannot offer much advice as I think there are to many issues that you and him need to work out personally. However, I can help with the BF issues. Personally, EBF is HARD and I work so I found that pumpig alleviated stress, alloed other to help, and I could avoid BFing in public and still be with other people for 4-6 hours then spend only 15 min away pumping . Also, many insurance companies will pay for a medical grade back-pack pump AND a hospital one you can keep at home for 6 month, which helps a lot. That is how I coped, got help, and breastfed for 13.5 months. I hope this helps a little.

 

Best,

S. Ponte

[livewell]

Oct. 1, 2010 at 12:30 AM

Wow, I am SO sorry that your husband is against public breastfeeding. Personally, I would give him an earful. My baby eats when he or she is hungry, no matter where I am.

I hope the wedding went ok :)