I've never been more upset with my grandmother.. she's so insensitive.

[slm047]

I have looked up to my grandmother my ENTIRE life.. she raised me. She always has the best attitude, optimistic outlook on life, & does everything she can to help. Why is it that she is being insensitive & ridiculous in the time that I need her most?

Background.. my husband's grandfather has 24-48 hours to live. He is completely unresponsive, taking very long to breathe & is taking shallow breaths, on top of making this gurgling noise. I asked my grandmother to watch my daughter so that way we could drive 45 mins. away to be with him & my husband's family. She said it was okay. My husband called her to mention my daughter spending the night because he was declining even more.. My grandmother had the nerve to say, "He is going to die whether you are there or not so what's the point?" My husband was really hurt. His grandfather has been his father figure since he was 5 years old. We really didn't need that on top of this already stress we have. 

We immediately left & picked up our daughter. My sister offered to watch her for the night so we took her there. My grandmother made it worse by calling my sister and saying, "They are being stupid. What, do they want to be there to smell his last fart?"

I just really can't believe it. I'm baffled. It hurt both of our feelings beyond belief. How can she be so insensitive at a time like this? If she didn't want to watch DD that's fine, but those comments were really unnecessary. I am so hurt & disappointed in my grandmother. I can't even speak to her right now because I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I have absolutely NOTHING nice to say.

[slm047]

Jul. 27, 2010 at 10:43 PM

..

(Original Poster)

[goatmom4]

Jul. 27, 2010 at 11:12 PM

wowoowowow that is  bad prayers for yo and your hubby

[slm047]

Jul. 27, 2010 at 11:15 PM

I thought so too.. But thank you very much. Prayers are definitely needed!

(Original Poster)

[bugsandpirates]

Jul. 27, 2010 at 11:24 PM

I agree, I think they were insensitive comments by your grandmother. 

 Looking at the bigger picture, maybe... your grandmother doesn't want your doing the same thing when she passes on... Its hard for people to face death and its even harder for people to understand why one would want to be around a dying person.  My mom and her siblings were at their dad's bedside as he passed on and it was very hard to watch him take his last breath. 

My prayers are with your husband's family to stay strong and to get through this sad time in their lives. 

[bugsandpirates]

Jul. 27, 2010 at 11:25 PM

Oh, I meant to mention its very considerate of you not to say anything to her about her comments.  The old phrase, "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." Kudos to you! <3

[slm047]

Jul. 28, 2010 at 9:10 AM

Yeah, my grandmother told my sister that she does not want anyone there while she is dying. I kind of get that but at the same time, I know my grandmother better than that. It's not just as simple as him laying there and live him be. My husband's grandfather is still getting an occasional dose of morphine so that he is not in pain. Between that and the sponge baths, turning him so that his body does not ache even more, etc. I know my grandmother would NOT want us to just leave her dying, esp. if somethings like the ones I listed needed to be done.

Thanks.. It took everything in me not to say anything. But just because she hurt my feelings, I don't want to reciprocate the feelings. She KNOWS I am upset with her though, but we will leave it at that. I just hope I feel better about the situation in the next 10 weeks.. my new daughter will be here & I really want her there. But right now, I'm just upset.

(Original Poster)

[slm047]

Jul. 28, 2010 at 9:10 AM

leave* him be

(Original Poster)