I need to write to get things out, I cant leave it on paper because someone will find it and I guess there is no such thing as privacy anymore, cant put it on facebook cause I dont know how to block it without blocking everything (not too computer smart I guess, but oh well) and nobody really reads what I write anyway but if anyone did, here is the only place I wouldnt mind someone seeing it.
Chris tries so hard, I know he does, but I dont say thank you as much as I should I guess and I have been having a real hard time showing affection. Other people have noticed and said shit to him and got him down, its not even like that, but I dont know exactly whats wrong. I do try, but its not good enough, he feels the same way. I feel like if I want anything done right I should just do it myself, he feels like he does everything and I just dont care.
Really though, we JUST moved, I hate being dependant but in this situation I really have to be, we are trying to plan a nice wedding with everything I want and he wants but we dont really have the money. His whole family treats him like a child, I hate it but sometimes I see why, not his fault though, they raised him that way. I didnt grow up the same. I guess if I didnt love him I wouldnt be marrying him, living with him, cooking for him.... all the stuff I am supposed to do but it doesnt feel right most of the time, he notices, and I feel bad but what do I do? If i forced myself, he would notice that too and things would just be worse.
I dont want advice saying if this is going on we shouldnt get married, I dont want anyone saying I am wrong or right or vice versa, like I said I only posted it here because all our friends wont mind their own fuckin business, pardon my language.
I need some strength, patience, and time, and he needs to trust me enough to let me do ANYTHING, I dont even barely get to put my daughter to bed anymore or talk to any of my friends (in his favor they are all mostly ex's but those feelings are gone). When I talk to him, he thinks it over, says things will change and they never do. He doesnt try to force hugs and kisses anymore at least but he is more emotional than most teenage girls I have met. I cant really ask him to stop being him but THAT is NOT what I fell in love with at all. I guess only time will tell and hopefully God will lead me (if thats what we call him) to whats right. Anyway, if anyone reads this and you are willing or believe just pray for things to work themselves out for us. if not...... well I hope it works out anyway, SCREAM! CRY! ok, byebye!