gee look at me.. 2 happy positive posts to have in my journal. I am a happy person generally, and do have many great things occur. The last few months though have been a lot.

DH was in the hospital for a bone infection in Jan/Feb. Came out and got burns on the bottom of his feet from a space heater he didn't realize he was touching (denies he has diabetic neuropathy). Once again ignored the proper care and ended up in the hospital again June. In Jan/feb i visited twice and basically threw clothes at him and left.  In June I never went, partly because the hospital was an hour away.

Please understand, if you don't know the background, that DH is in major diabetic denial and always has been. thinks blood sugar values of 400-600 are normal and won't take his meds except 60 unites of lantus daily. tried antidepressants, but won't take them after a week and lies, lies, lies about meds, self care and eating habits. I've reasoned, asked, educated, quietly supported, yelled, begged and threatened to take our son and leave him. NOTHING gets thru to him ever. I'm exhausted from this alone. The only thing left that I could do is to follow him around and test his sugar for him and inject him. EVERYTHING else has been tried, even an intervention. I grew up around diabetics and recently turned the corner myself on that diagnosis. I KNOW the risks, the care, the options... doesn't matter. he wants to ignore it and live in denial. HIS family asked how much life insurance he has. we all know he'll die young. He's 35 right now and I don't see him living to 40.

he went to his parents house after coming out of the hospital and we were separated for about 2 weeks. Had some really good talks and he missed DS, so I foolishly let him come home. He is now out on FMLA and has applied for SSD as his doctors feel that continuing to work on his feet will kill him in 3 years from the bone infections.

He does exactly what he did before. NOTHING. doesn't clean except to vacuum maybe once a week. Doesn't cook although we got a grill with the expectation of him grilling frequently, he puts DH in the other room to watch a movie while he watches something else in the other room. He's a slob and doesn't pick up anything.

I work a demanding full time job, come home and clean, cook and take care of DS. Last weekend we rcvd notice that our house had been sold and that we need to be out in 30 days.

I'm finding the ads, I'm finding the signs out on the road, I'm filling out the applications. He calls on some and then gets frustrated and hands the phone to me for details. So far we missed out on 2 possible homes, one of which I am heartbroken over, and all he does is scream at me trying to figure out why. He badgers me constantly and I can't take it anymore. Thursday was brutal all day and I was glad that our office was open from 2-6, we drove to meet friends that night and he carried on in the car, but of course was fine all day yesterday at the park. This morning he starts up again as the owner of the apartment we saw Thurs evening hadn't called back yet. DH slept till 10:44 this morning and all I asked him to do was call the 6 ads I found online. He of course claims incompetance but if it had been ads for cars he'd have breezed thru them in seconds. I was outside fixing my tent that fell over and had to be righted to dry..he's inside ranting and raging and carrying on. I came in and told him to go to the bedroom and leave me alone. After he went in the other room I placed all 6 calls in less then 5 minutes.

he was still carrying on and blaming me for everything. Our credit is not great because of HIS spending that he denies, but I have definite proof. Then the ass comes out with "I've put in my time! over 20 years! I deserve to get a break"  well I saw red, I've worked longer then him and in the course of our marriage have held down 2 or 3 jobs. If he was asked to work a second job.. he was 'too tired'

I told him he deserves nothing. his diabetic complications are all his fault. he ignored proper care for 15 months before the bone infection and still doesn't care properly for them. I'm sick of finding dirty bandages all over the house! he claims he needs a garbage can.. yet walks by one 20 times a day. The doctors want him in a wheelchair till his feet heal. He's telling them he is and I will be calling on monday to explain why hes' not in our small home. Yesterday I had to pay $80 for an electric wheelchiar for him to be at the park (6 Flags) while I entertained, ran after, watched our 3 year old. Thank god for my girlfriend as she helped me while waiting for the park to open and while DH sat on a stone wall. On the way home, instead of politely asking me to drive, he pitched a major tantrum about being tired and carried on worse then DS at a bad moment.

He also has done NOTHING to help pack this house up. I'm about 1/2 way done and its all been by me. He sits his ass on the couch and claims he can't because the dr said no. Really? he can walk to the kitchen... walk to the bathroom, go outside and smoke.. but he can't pick up items and box them up?

so needless to say EVERYTHING is on my shoulders with the added pressure of his frequent tantrums about not having a new home yet. We're waiting for one place to call tonight and I'm not thrilled with it as its up a flight of stairs. Yet we'll probably take it to make DH happy. If we do I'm ONLY staying a year and then moving again.Outof the places I've seen so far that we've considered.. this is my least favorite. I'd rather be in the one we saw last week that decided against us because the previous dog was destructive.. i can understand, but don't know how to prove mine is not... and the for rent sign is still there.

On the other hand is what I do get from DH:  NOT a THING!! unless he has a tantrum and then its the pressure from dealing with him. I was supposed to go to a party today. But I can't deal with chasing after DS while DH sits there and has a great time and then screams at me later for complaining. I can't deal anymore and I'm almost done with how much I can handle.

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Comments:

Sunfl...
Aug. 31, 2010 at 2:15 PM

Part of the problem is when the sugar is too high they are so mean to anyone in their path.  My brother is a diabetic and does not take care of his sugar and I am down right afraid of him during one of his temper tantrum.    I think your story has really touched my heart and a scary place in my family too.   I will pray for you and hope you find a house to rent that you can enjoy living in.   Take care of yourself.

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