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Compassion in kids...
- Sep 1, 2010 at 10:51 PM
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- Comments (6) Total Views (286) Everyone can see this journal post.
I so want to develop admirable traits in my children. Empathy, philanthropy, respect, manners, compassion. Most little girls dreamt of their wedding day. Me, I imagined the swelling of pride when another mother leaned over the fencepost and said, "oh my, your son's manners make me swoon...". And so I persevere reminding them 300 times a day to say "please" and "thank you", and "excuse me" after their farting contests. (Having just returned from camping, I laboured long and hard to get them to try and discretely let me know they needed to have a BM and would need my assistance to sanitize their bottoms afterwards...I was getting a little tired of having little voices bellowing across the campground, "Mommy! I need to have a POOH!! Will you come wipe my BUM?!?").
We have pets for a variety of reasons, the least of which is to help teach our boys responsibility and compassion (the most of which is to give me an excuse to escape for an hour every night to walk our noble German Shepherd and converse with someone of higher intellect...). Our first dearly beloved German Shepherd, Bora, passed away when my boys were 3 and 5 months. Our 2nd came to us a few months later and has adjusted to her place in our family admirably. But make no mistake - these beautiful creatures love their families and take their jobs as protectors quite seriously, but their total and complete devotion is for one person in that family: ME. And, to be fair, both of our dogs came to us after their police service days - they are retired breeding females. Essentially, bossy old mommas who do not take much backtalk from the young upstarts. A match made in heaven!
One day my oldest son and I had this enlightening conversation:
Sam: Mommy, after Bora died, we got another doggy, Ella, right?
Me: Yes, that's right.
Sam: Because you were really sad and missed Bora.
Me: Yes, yes, I did, very much.
Sam: and Ella helped you feel better.
Me: Yes, yes, she did. And now I love her just like I did Bora.
Sam: Yes, you really love your dogs. Hey! I have an idea! After Ella dies, can we get a parrot?
Ah, yes, fostering compassion. I do believe we are on the right track....
Comments:
I can see why Sam would find a parrot to be a fair substitute for a German Shepherd. After all, parrots and dogs share. . . what I mean is they both. . . well, a parrot has two legs, and the German Shepherd barks. . . no, that's not it. Feathers? No. I know! They both eat, and they both poop. There. I knew they had something in common.
As far as teaching children compassion, I'm finding it's not the easiest of tasks with creatures who are by nature self-centered. My older daughter has tons and tons of compassion--but only for animals. People rate very poorly in her "things that matter" scale. My younger daughter has autism, which in itself makes learning empathy a greater challenge. However, I still cling to the hope that both of my children will learn to be considerate of other PEOPLE, creatures and things, and be able to feel and show compassion. I think it's possible. It will be a challenge, but it's possible.
Hah - the duality of their nature plays out in so many ways! Sometimes you wonder if they're Evil Incarnate and then they turn around and say, and do, the sweetest things. It is so sweet that he was so concerned about Mommy coming back to her babies. My oldest has been asking, since the age of 2, when he is eating his dinner, "what did they kill so we can eat this?". Seriously, since 2! I suspect I have a future vegetarian on my hands...
I worked for many years with kids with Autism and we used to break down social skills and understanding emotions into behavioural steps or components, and then systematically work through them with the individual child. I used to use a book that helped break it down - I'll try and figure out what it was called - I remember what it looked like! Have to run - have to go pick up my neighbour at the hospital...and I don't want her to have to wait too long (ah ha!! teach by doing....)
Kids are definitely paradoxical creatures. Mine are still a work in progress as far as manners and compassion go. I hold out hope that some of my teaching will stick.
Yeah, my almost 14 year old is in her eleventy-seventh year of plotting the poor cat's demise so we can get a wriggly, oh-so-cute puppy. And manners? Did I mention she's almost 14? No seriously, all three of my kids are pretty good in the overall manners department, but no one ever tells you what a full-time job just that is.
Hubby has a great big want for German Shepherds, BTW.
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Gorgeous dog! I've told my son for the past two years that when he turns five years old, he can get a puppy. We're strongly considering a German Shepherd (rescue, of course).
But my son is also on the same compassion track it seems. His aunt sent caterpillars for his b-day. You let the caterpillars grow, coccoon, and then hatch into butterflies. After they made coccoons, I told my son to be *very careful* with them because if he handled them roughly, the caterpillars might not hatch into butterflies........so my darling boy turned to me and said "What if I don't want them to hatch into butterflies?" EEK!!
But then this same boy was watching a documentary on sea turtles yesterday. At the end of the movie, the eggs hatch and the baby turtles make their way clumsily to the sea. My son asked when the Mama turtle was coming back. I had to explain that the Mama turtle leaves the eggs to hatch and the babies take care of themselves. In other words, Mama ain't coming back. My (newly) four-year old was sobbing wanting the Mama turtle to come back to her babies :( It was very sweet and I had to hug him for a long time.
- Mom_to_Skyler
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