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my kids are planning to run away *update in blue*
- Sep 5, 2010 at 1:24 AM
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- Comments (16) Total Views (1739) Everyone can see this journal post.
this is all true. nothing made up, or told to get noticed. i really need help.
my husband was married before he and i met to a woman named Ginger. they had 3 kids together. all during the marriage she cheated on him. when my step sons were 3 and 2 and my step daughter was 1 they divorced. he was in the army at the time and during the time he was deployed she had child protective services called on her more than once. because of that he got full custody of the kids. she couldn't get a job so he let her move in with him and she helped take care of the kids. he got out of the army and opened up a towing business. during the time they lived together she didn't do laundry, never put the kids in car seats, drank, stole pain pills and more. when my husband said she had to leave, she started to throw things at him. he call the police and when they came she slit her wrists. she spend a couple months in a mental hospital then disappeared.
around this time i started dating my husband. the kids were 4, 3 and 2. i became pregnant, we got married, i stopped working so i could be home with the kids. things were hard for over a year. the kids had bad behavior problems. they had therapy and they started to act like normal kids. we had no idea what happened to Ginger.
around last Halloween she started calling. the boys (6 and 7) loved hearing from her. my step daughter had no idea who was on the phone. suddenly she stopped calling. all three of them begin to lie constantly over everything, scream for long periods of time for no reason, took things of mine and their dad's for no reason (they took folders i had used for my collage classes but wasn't using anymore and hid them in theirroom) they took scissors and cut up all of their stuffed animals. i was pregnant and was sick often from the pregnancy and had a hard time handling all the new stress.
then Christmas came. we put out their wrapped Christmas gifts and told them they couldn't open any until Christmas eve. the next morning half their presents were in their room unwrapped. we took all of them into our room. moved the presents to where we thought they couldn't get them. the next morning the rest of their presents were unwrapped in their room and so were their little brothers gifts. when they got in trouble again they started telling everyone they were going to run away and live with their mom's mom.
they packed up their stuff and tried to leave, but since there was 3 feet of snow on the ground they didn't get out of our yard. we talk to them tried to find out why. they said it was because they wanted their presents before Christmas and we were mean not giving the pressents to them. they spent a week with their mom's mom like they do every year around Christmas and she talked to them about why they had to live with their dad and i.
for the most part things settled down. my step daughter (5 years old) begin to poop in her underwear and shoplift, but that lasted a month and was done. the kids were acting like normal kids and we never heard from Ginger.
then a couple months ago, Ginger started calling again. now things are starting to repeat. they are screaming for no reason, taking things that they have no need for (snow boots when it is 80 degrees outside and no snow for months) they cut up more stuffed animals and used scissors to rip up my step daughters bed until springs were poking out everywhere. tonight the kids hid their toothbrushes in one of their backpacks along with toothpaste.
i don't know what to do. other than them i have a two year old and a 3 month old baby to take care of. my husband has blood clots that have landed him in the hospital twice in the last year. i just found out a month ago that i might have thyroid cancer. all this added to the money problems we have been having off and on for 3 years. my husband works 7 days a week, 12 hours a day just to pay our bills. i am so lost. i don't want them to run away. i want everything to go back to normal. i am so scared of what could happen to them if they did run away. i love these kids just as much as i love the two i gave birth to. i just don't know what to do with them anymore.
my husband and i talked and are going to put the kids back in cousuling and he talked to the kids about how we love them and want them with us. we will just take things one day at a time. thank you everyone for reading this and responding. it helps so much to have support.
Comments:
In my opinion, you need to put the kids back into therapy (if they're not still going), you need to stop the maternal grandmother's visits unless they are supervised, and you need to stop all contact with the birthmom. If what you're saying is accurate and you have been documenting everything, you should have no problem getting a judge to change the current orders.
Put the kids back in therapy and go to a judge and get it to where Ginger can NOT call the kids or have anything to do with the entire family.
I agree with PP.
Do you ever listen in on their conversations with her? This may explain some of their reactions. She may be saying things that leave them feeling disturbed. She could even be telling them to behave badly so that they can live with her. Which leaves them feeling conflicted and confused when she ceases contact again for a long time.
Also, have you explained to them that she is not very well but still loves them etc? That way they don't feel so abandoned. Also let them know that you and DH loved them and will always be there for them. They may feel insecure after speaking with her and the way she slips in and out of their lives.
As for therapy, if it's only the kids that go, maybe it needs to also involve you and DH. That will reinforce their sense that you are in it with them etc.
Good luck and I hope it works out.
I agree with "onecuteladybug," this is EXACTLY how my son acted when he was having contact with his birth family. His BM died a few years ago of an O/D she was a horrible mother and only wanted her son because her family was forcing her to keep him. My son's bio-grandfather tries to tell me how to raise my children and his always bringing my son's BM up when he is around or on the phone so, we cut contact all together. No visits and no phone calls, my son has been acting better and better. Contrary to what some believe contact with the birth family is not always better. Good luck!!
I know Ginger is their mom. I would talk to her about how upsetting her phone calls are to your stepchildren. I don't think the maternal grandmother is the problem. It sounds like their mom is. It sounds like they need therapy again. I'm sorry to hear about all your problems.
i have to agree with onecuteladybug2.
but i it were me, the next time she called would have a tape record hook up to the phone to record what she is saying because its is saying something that triggers that kind of behavior in the children. then i would stop all contact with her and that side of the family.
sounds to like she's putting stuff into their heads. my mom did this to me as a child. she would say our father was a loser and didn't want anything to do with us. so my sister started behaving badly when she had to live with my dad so she could live with my mom. although my father is the better parent. if i were you i'd get them in therapy again and go to court so she can't have contact with them. she doesn't sound like she deserves to be around them.
Wow, there is a lot going on. I would take Ginger to court. Let the court know what's going on and then get a restraining order on her.
Those children need therapy, and NO further contact with their "mother" ever again. Thats the only thing that will solve the problem. : (
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Wow, I am sorry. Maybe talk to Ginger next time she calls and let her know that her sporadic contact with the kids is doing more harm than good. Obviously she has problems. I would try taking the kids back to a good therapist. They are trying to deal with abandonment from Gingerand don't know how to cope. Best of luck.
- LittleWeloosMom
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