My Family

[Moonrush]

I'm sure mine is not the only family who has had their schedules, finances and predictable habits turned upside down and shaken up vigorously over the last few years.

Last year at this time, my husband and I were reeling over the loss of his long-time, 40-hour per week, dependable job.  We had lost our home in Arizona to foreclosure a year before that, but we had taken our hit in stride.  We were determined to keep working hard, spending conservatively, and eventually own our own home again.  We had relocated to Colorado with his employer where we were optimistic that we could rebuild our finances, and raise our boys in the beauty that is Western Colorado.  Then, out of the blue, my husband was fired.  His employer could no longer afford him.  No notice, no warning... our income was completely gone.  He was hopeful that he could find another job in his line of work.  Nope.  With the rapidly deteriorating economy, no one was spending any money on building anything.  For a builder like my husband, there was no work to be had.

Over the last year, I have been lucky enough to become the sole wage-earner in our family.  I found a great job with decent pay and good benefits.  I'm not making the money that my husband had been earning, but it's certainly enough to keep the bills paid and the kids well fed. 

While our hope of becoming home owners once again has been put on a more permanent waiting list than we'd like, I still have every reason to be extremely proud of what we do have. 

My husband was able to take a well-deserved (if unwanted) vacation from the working world.  Oh, he's been diligently looking for work - any kind of work - but has found that every tradesman like himself has also been looking.  His skills are not at all in demand right now.  So, although he'd be glad to wash dishes in the back of a restaurant, there are many others who have experience doing it and who are doing it without complaint.  His applications are rarely even considered for service-type jobs.  While he's fervent about getting any kind of job he can find, I've told him to enjoy his free time as much as possible.  He's learned how to cook, and rather well I might add!  He makes a mean Beef Stroganoff that puts my recipe to shame!  He's more in touch with the every day responsibilities of raising two children and keeping a home clean and functional.  He appreciates much more what it is that I did every day as a stay-at-home parent for all those years.

I appreciate much more the stresses of supporting a family financially like he did for all those years.  I know how it feels to not want to go to work, but knowing that if you don't that the bills cannot be paid, the groceries cannot be afforded, and the rare camping trip cannot be had.  I appreciate much more that doing one's best at whatever it is that you are doing is very important, and also a heavy weight to bear.

My kids have gotten to know their Dad a lot more.  He's not just this figure who comes home late at night, eats dinner, enforces Mom's rules, and is gone to work again long before either of them wake up in the morning.  They get to cuddle with him more.  They can go to their Dad for homework help, ride bikes around the neighborhood him, help him build things in the garage, learn how to cook with him, and learn that Dad has rules, too; it's not just Mom who won't let you play kick ball in the house!

In short, we appreciate one another much more than we used to.  It's not that we really took each other for granted when life was more predictable.  It's just that we now have no choice but to truly walk in each other's shoes and really experience, rather than sympathize with, one another's daily struggles and joys.

The changes that we've gone through as a family over the last year are not changes that we've courted.  They are not changes that, if given the choice, we would have opted for.  In retrospect, I can say that I am glad we have been faced with them.  We have risen to the challenge, and have found a deeper sense of security than we've ever known before.  We really are a strong family unit.  Our children have seen us stumble, fall, get up, adapt, and finally find our balance again.  More than owning our own home, more than dependable predictability, more than achieving status-quo... we have found that the most valuable thing to "own" is trust, love, determination, and the knowledge that we can face any challenge together.

We have all learned that a family is not just a Mom, Dad, and kids.  It is a unit of people who love, forgive, and support one another.  I, and indeed many other Moms on this site, have been faced with financial crises and uncertain futures.  I can only hope that many of you have been able to see the bright side of these unwanted challenges.  No doubt, there will be more unannounced changes in my future.  But, I can honestly say right now, that I know that my family is equal to the challenge!

[Rebeccalynn_dj]

Sep. 9, 2010 at 9:17 PM

That is beautiful.  I am glad you all have grown so much closer.

[Fistandantalus]

Sep. 10, 2010 at 7:57 AM

Awesome!  We're dealing with this right now, between the surprise pregnancy, which limits my ability to put the degree I slaved to get to use and the holdup on my permit from the Board of Nursing, caring for both my parents, both of whom have had medical difficulties of late and raising the two kids we already have.  It's good to read a story that ends well.

[evwsquared]

Sep. 10, 2010 at 1:33 PM

I love hearing the confidence that this have given both you and your husband---well, to your whole family! You've shown how to approach this situation so that everyone can grow.

[Woodenvelt]

Sep. 12, 2010 at 3:18 PM

You look for the beauty and the blessings hidden in life's hardships and that makes you a special person, Mandy.