I've never been a big fan of gum. Sometimes if I feel like my breath isn't all that fresh and I am due to a meeting with the preschool or to meet friends I'll stick a piece of Doublement in my mouth for a quick freshing up. 

I chew it until it's all out of flavor and turns to a bland wad in my mouth and I do the only thing I can think of when I have no where to throw it away. 

I swallow it.

Yes, I know. Not good, but the entire idea of spitting a wad of germy gooeyness into the garbage can doesn't appeal to me. I have to get my face close enough to spit without actually touching the garbage. Imagining how many people have done the same. Ick. So, I swallow it and no one is the wiser. (Except you now know my dirty little secret of swallowing said wad.)

So people have two options. Swallow or spit.

Why, oh why do people have to take out the gum and stick it under a table, a chair or a desk? 

Today my 4 year old and I went to a matinee showing of Alpha and Omega. I'd tell you about the movie, but I can't, so if any of you lovely ladies would be willing to tell me what happens at the end of the movie I'd be very happy.

Oh, why did I spend 25 dollars at the movie theater and not be able to tell you what happened? 

Easy answer: Gum. 

Yep, that three letter word made me miss the last 20 minutes of the movie. 

Why you ask? Oh, I'll tell you why in story form. =]

So, G and I were sitting in the movie theater eating popcorn and watching this movie about two wolves needing to repopulate in Idaho. G is being good, we're listening the person in front of us make weird growling, grunting noises. I sit there and explain we don't point out when people make weird grunting noises in a theater.

An hour goes by. The movie is okay, not Despicable Me fantastic, but not bad either. G is enjoying it.

Then I hear those words we all hear in the theater. "Mommy, I need to go potty." in a not so hushed whisper. 

I take her hand and feel the stickyness. "Is there one of those gummy snacks in your hand." I didn't get an answer, but as we walked out of the theater and into the bathroom I help her into the potty. Assuming I just had gooey red gummy snacks in my hand I go to wash them.

Oh, no. No where on my hand was red gunk.

It was greyish white and stringy when you try to pull it off. "Oh...my god...Gwyn what is this?" I knew by the familiar stickyness that clung to my hand.

"I don't know mommy, it's sticky." 

"We need to wash  your hands!" I call out loudly, pulling her to the bathroom as I tried to scrub the gunk off of both our hands.

"it's not coming off. Why isn't it coming off!" we scrub harder on the WARM water. I watched as it just got softer and clung harder to our skin.

Five minutes go by and no change in the substance.

We continue to fight with this "Cold water! let's try cold water!" putting our hands in cold water I scrubbed harder, trying to get the gum off. Imagining the germs from who's ever mouth is was on. 

Then I saw her gummed hand move to brush some out of her face. "STOP, Don't touch your hair!" at this point a few women had come into the bathroom, stared as I frantically scrubbed skin. 

Minute 15 had gone by. Gwyn found that if she used a soapy paper towel and scrubbed it against her hand it got the gum off easier. Clearly, she gets her smarts from me.

So we both sat there, scrubbing our hands. When the majority of the gum was gone I sigh in relief and go to exit the bathroom.

Back to the theater we go.

We see howling wolves and then credits. Seriously? The movie was over?! I hear Gwyn "Mommy, we missed the ending!" 

"I know..." 

"It's okay mommy, we can get more popcorn and some ice cream!" 

She didn't imagine the 15 dollars in tickets going down the toilet.

Well, I was still a little angry so I did what any livid, annoyed person did.

I complained. Demanded that they clean up the gum!

I had imagined what I would say to the manager as I cleaned off the sticky germs from my hand. I imagined me demanding that they clean off all the seats in the theaters, scraping every last gooey mound that found its way onto the hard plastic of seats.

I had what I would say all planned out. The conversation went as this.

"Excuse me, Sir. Are you the manager?"

"Yes, I am. How may I help you?"

"I have a complaint."

"Oh, let's go to the desk."

"We were in theater 9 to see Alpha and Omega and there was gum that some one stuck on the arm rest o the chair and it took me forever to clean it off" pause.

"Oh, we're clean that up right away. Which chair was it?"

"The middle seats in the first row right as you enter the theater."

"We'll get right on that." watches as goes to some one that heads into the supply closet.

"Thank you." I turn to leave, filling justified that my job was done.

"I'm getting you two free passes to any movie you want with no expiration date."

"Oh, thank you." I put the passes in my purse, a little dumbfounded that I just got free tickets to a theater I am not even sure I want to return to. 

Clearly the conversation did not go as it would have in my head, but my anger was placated, but the thought that we had so much time peeling gum off of our hands still did not extinguish my disgust. 

So, I ask. If you're in an area and unable to spit your gum.

Swallow it. It may not digest, but it prevents other people from finding their hands on it. Remember some one's child may find it and stick in their mouth.

-Shudders-

Now if you will excuse me, I need to re-wash my gum free hands. 




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Comments:

LKRA
Sep. 21, 2010 at 4:07 PM

If you're such a germaphone, why did you take her to a MOVIE THEATRE? Everyone knows they're disgusting places. You got what you deserve.

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lizzeh
Sep. 21, 2010 at 4:09 PM

Says the woman from BED BUG CAPITAL OF THE WORLD! You're so used to being dirty that some one's germy, used gum is just another part of your day. 

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LKRA
Sep. 21, 2010 at 4:11 PM

Rumor has it those damned bugs were migrating south when they landed here. They were probably coming from YOUR neck of the woods!

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lizzeh
Sep. 21, 2010 at 4:11 PM

Nah, they know the hand'll just smack them away. 

I bet it was West Virginia. 

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momof...
Sep. 21, 2010 at 4:35 PM

Bed bugs were found in Oklahoma City!!  Gross, gross, gross!

I think we should ban gum, Liz!

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lizzeh
Sep. 21, 2010 at 4:35 PM

Yes, yes ban it! 

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ecagle
Sep. 21, 2010 at 4:52 PM

Gum is gross.  Just plain gross.  So are bed bugs and mosquitos.  I thank God mosquitos aren't in our area :)

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Mommy...
Sep. 21, 2010 at 4:59 PM

Ew, nasty.

Where the heck doesn't have mosquitos??

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lizzeh
Sep. 21, 2010 at 5:06 PM

I would imagine New Mexico doesn't have mosquito's. 

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Mommy...
Sep. 21, 2010 at 6:05 PM

Nope, I was reading something that said there are over 2500 different species of mosquitoes, 150 species occur in the US, and 57 of these occur in NM.
http://www.health.state.nm.us/ERD/HealthData/documents/a_CLASSIFICATIONANDID_000.pdf

Reading up on it, there is no state or place with absolutely NO mosquitoes.  There may be fewer mosquitoes than other places, but that's all.

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