5 months later

[happy-go-lucky]

5 months ago my husband had an affair

the last few days have been very hard. i feel so alone, and like my husband isn't trying to have a good marriage with me. i am working so hard to just have a normal feeling life, and it feels like he just goes  without thinking. then i feel so resentful that my life has change so much, that i have changed so much, but the affair was just a blip in his life.

in my head i know that it is all false. that my husband is different, that he is trying. if i look, i see it. how he is working on controlling his temper. and how he takes more time off work so we can spend time together.

but the part of me that is so damaged, just knows i hurt and feel alone. and i don't know how to tell him what i feel. he feels so guilty, and he either can't or just doesn't get past what he did to what i am feeling.

i can't put into words everything that is goin on inside of me.

i am hurt

i feel stupid that i didn't notice the way she acted around him. that in hind sight i see so well.

i feel empty, and broken, and more.

i worry that he is going to decide i am too much work and leave.

i know what i have to do. i have to go day by day. finding out who i am now.

[mami2emily]

Sep. 30, 2010 at 1:37 PM

I have been there before and believe me it is not easy and it is definitely not a fast process. Give it time and keep doing what you're doing to surpass this obstacle in life. We're all human and make mistakes, really think your decisions over. Are you willing to forgive and forget or is this something that will bother you forever? Once you forgive though that means thats it, no more bringing it up and dwelling on it.

[ArmyWifeMamaRN]

Sep. 30, 2010 at 7:36 PM

I too have been cheated on. In fact I didn't know that it had happened until I was 12 weeks pregnant and the other woman was I believe 20 weeks pregnant. It was hell. I felt so torn up and 3 years later I am still hurting. Not as bad as I was. You cannot blame yourself and say that you should have seen signs (believe me, I saw them all too I just ignored them!).

Here is the way I look at it:

If you decided to stay, you did so for a reason. Not because you wanted to lead a life full of hatred, sorrow and guilt, but because you love him. In my opinion, the wife is the only person who knows if their guy is truly sorry and truly trustworthy again. I am still working on my marriage 3 years later, with two 2 year olds, mine and his.

I am a true believer in everything happens for a reason. Right now we have had trouble getting pregnant or staying pregant I should say with our second child together. I have my son, and his daughter. Perfect family if i were unable to ever conceive again. Those children are the light of my life, my heart and soul and the drive to live everyday. I have come to terms with what happened and once I did that the heavy feeling was lifted off my shoulders. I will never forget, but I have forgiven him. I was the one who pushed him to see his daughter from the affiar and not sign away his rights. It was one fo the most selfless things I have ever done because every hateful bone in my body was screaming don't ever look at the homewrecker again!!!

To forgive him means to push forward, to not hide your feelings but to work through them.  You will always carry that piece of your heart that hurts, it's inevitable.

In my marriage it made us stronger. It made the communication better, and our love stronger both as a family unit and a couple.

Just know that it's okay to hurt, it's okay to be upset. Do not ever blame yourself though. It was not your choice, it was his. Trust will not happen overnight and make sure he knows that.

[sparkles1986315]

Oct. 1, 2010 at 9:26 AM

I have also been cheated on.  I am still not over it.  It hurts to think about it.  I can still remember the day I found out.  It was July 17th of 2007.  I had noticed that he had been getting up early every morning for about a month.  Usually he complained about getting up before 8 and he was suddenly up at like 5am.  So, one the day I found out he had went to a job interview so I decided I was going to see what he was doing on the computer so early every morning.  I logged into his myspace account and there were all of these email from a girl named Jen.  He said he wished he had been with her and not me.  He even went into detail about the things he wanted to do to he sexually.  He told her that he didnt love me anymore and that he loved her.  I crumbled to pieces as I read his words to her.  I cried until I threw up.  I printed out all of the emails and when he got home I threw them in his face.  He seriously acted like he had no idea what I was talking about.  I still to this day do not have complete trust in him.  Its getting better but I always worry.  Even though nothing physical ever actually happened it felt to me like it did.  And I really think that if I would have not found out when I did that he would have let it go that far.