Looking at the Big Picture

[SelaCarsen]

I don't think life will ever even out enough for me to be productive, so I'm just going to have to be productive in spite of life.

Looks like it's time for another one of my oh-so-fun existential crises. I appreciate the process on an intellectual/spiritual level, but practically speaking, it is a HUGE drain on my time and emotions. I suppose I should have expected it since I hit 40. Even though I hadn't planned on doing another life inventory for a few years, I guess the universe thinks differently.

It's moving more smoothly than past examinations, though. It seems I'm mature enough to realize that I can't fix some of the things that are broken; and as sad as that makes me, I'm able to look at the big picture and still see what I want in my life. That's good. That's growth.

One thing that has bobbed up to the top of the heap is writing. For years, I've been fitting it in here and there around "how I feel today." Shyah. Way to have a career, Sela. All around me I see examples of people who make a commitment to write every day whether they "feel" like it or not. I am a slow learner.

Now, I'm not usually good with routines or daily goals or things like that. I'm really not. But I also know that when there is structure in my life, things seem to flow more evenly.

I'm smart enough to know that saying 1K a Day or Die is the surest way to get me to run the other direction, even knowing that it's for my own good. I have issues with authority -- even my own. I don't have a good way to work through that, other than to say, "I'll do my best."

Because, in order for me to achieve my long-term goals, I've got to meet those short-term goals -- and that means I have to make money and that means I have to write.

So this is me. Setting my sights on those big-picture goals. And writing.