I would say I feel blue today, but I have felt blue for awhile now. Really wanting to lose weight, yet I guess I feel sorry for myself rather than do anything about it. That's the blunt truth of it all, although I could make excuses like feel depressed, tired, no time, no money etc. My husband met me at the weight I am, fell in love with me the way I am, married me the way I am, yet I feel like my weight matters to both of us.
At first we were having sex at least 5 days a week, but I had an unplanned pregnancy 6 months or so later and he said he just feels it is wrong to have sex with a pregnant woman. We were intimate on rare, random occasions, and usually after him telling me no multiple times yet finally giving in to me. Our sex life picked up to a fast speed of 2 times a week after I had the baby, but now we are down to 3-4 times a month. Before anyone says he is cheating on me, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt he is not. Unless he is working he is always at home, or running errands with me and the four kids. He gets no strange calls, opens his emails without thinking in front of me, so I know he gets no correspondance from anyone else.
He says he loves me, wants me, and only comes to me when he has a desire, but just has no sex drive. He claims overweight and age are his problem, but he is only 34 as I am. I too am overweight, but my desire is still there at least twice a day. I ask, he says no; we go two weeks and finally he is interested. I have gone from being a very self-confident person to feeling like the ugliest person on earth. I have never had sex with someone I don't want; therefore, I believe if you want me, then you would want to have sex with me. Maybe my thinking is convaluted, but I feel as low as I have ever felt.
We talk to one another about everything, but I guess I feel like I am more of his best friend/roommate with occassional benefits rather than his lover and wife. Sad thing is we haven't been married for years. We have been together only two years and 8 months and been married for six months. I used to turn many heads, and now I can't turn the head of the one man who matters. I am still very much in love with him as he seems to be with me, so why does he not want me?
How do I regain the self-confidence I have lost & more importantly how do I feel beautiful when the man I love doesn't want me? He tells me daily I am beautiful, is my rock in the storms-very dependable, isn't overly cuddly or affectionate, but does tell me daily he loves me and does kiss me daily. He is still everything I ever want; I just wish I were what he wants as well
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