So here I am - depressed - again

[mommyonetheedge]

I have no idea how to get out of the funk that I'm in. 

I can't seem to drag myself out of bed each morning until the very last minute.  This usually means we're all rushing around.  I get about 9 hours sleep, but still can't seem to wake up in the morning.  I don't know what's wrong with me.

My job is basically ok - but I hate it.  I have anxiety attacks in the middle of the day just because I don't want to be there.  I don't know what to do about this - the job market is to tough.  I was unemployed for a year and a half, and most people just tell me to be happy that I have a job.  Yeah, well, I have little to no control over my emotions, so... I'm still unhappy about my job.

I'm totally broke too.  I need to file bankruptcy for all the bills I let go while I was unemployed.  But... of course that requires getting enough money for a lawyer which I don't have either.  It makes me depressed to think that I'm such a loser I can't pay my bills and that I was such a loser that I ran up the bills in the first place.  It all really sucks!

My children are happy, healthy, and smart.  What more could I ask for?  Sanity?  Peace of mind?  A little joy?  Yes, I know my kids should bring me joy - and I love them dearly, but I'm still just not happy.  I'm already medicated with anti-depressants.  I even "added Abilify" like the commercial said - still - I feel like a loser and an idiot and completely worthless.  How much long will this go on?

If one of my bills wasn't to the counseling place, I'd look into therapy, but guess what?!?!!?  Can't afford it.  This sucks!

~B~

[ChicaThis]

Oct. 17, 2010 at 11:10 PM

Do you think alot of the stress is coming from your finances? When I am having financial problems it stresses me out to where I feel like I might be depressed too.