On Monday, we went to the Health Dept. for a visit... because I still didn't have my insurance card... and couldn't be seen by the OB who wanted to see me 3 weeks ago. The Health Dept... will wait. Anyway... went through all the paperwork, labs, history, financials... and had been there over two hours before the lasst part. the pap and exam.

The nurse... not a PA... not even an OB nurse... just someone filling in... couldn't find a hb with the doppler at 10wks 2 days. Well, for me.. no biggie... remember there is a ton of skin down there from losing the 150lbs after my gastric by-pass. BUT... she has a u/s machine and just said she would confirm by it... and couldn't which freaked me out... but... still she didn't know how to work the machine, never mind read results... so I told her I wanted a u/s... now at the hospital... which she set up.

So we went there... and since it was a transvaginial... due to stupid hospital policy... during a transvaginal... Bruce was not allowed in there. So I told her what happened, thinking that all will be well. The look on her face, especially after she asked about dates said it all... then she turned the screen for less then half a sec. and I asked her... is there a heartbeat? Her response was that she wasn't allowed to tell me, then I replied that you just did, because if there was one, you would have told me like you had when I was here 4 weeks ago. I started crying and told her I wanted Bruce, and they went and got him. We had to go back to the health dept for the actual report.

The report read, adequte amniotic fluid, however no fetal heartbeat today and no blood flow (planceta). Conclusion was intreritine fetal demise. That word got to be... now we still hadn't talked to an OB..;. and I had a ton of questions, that they couldn't answer.... but we were to go to the hospital ER tomorrow am for a d&c... through the ER due to no insurance card... can't go through the OB office. Bruce and I talked ALL night. See my uterus was measuring BIG... around 12 weeks... and a body who didn't want to let go of the baby. Had me thinking that there might be twins in there.. one alive and one dead. We wanted a second opinion.

The hospital, basically didn't want to insult there u/s tech by preforming a u/s again... so rather then just showing me the whole damn u/s... which would have taken 5 mins of their time.... they told us to go to Lumberton, NC... to the Health Dept. to get a referal to the Lumberton ER and radiology. Went there... 50 mins away from where we were to be told they don't give referals... especially since we weren't their patients and to go to the ER. Which we did.

After sitting in the ER waiting for 2 hours we got outback and the nurse... Kim was wonderful. totally uynderstood our reasoning of exhusting every possibility before having a d&c done. The PA came in... cold as ice women... who did as I requested and got my hcg and progesterone and did the u/s... which confirmed the baby died and was measuring at 8 weeks.

THAT KILLED ME... thinking everything was fine and finding out I was carring my dead child for over two weeks and had a uterus still growing at a rapid rate... Plus they called it FETAL DEMISE... which is at 10 weeks that a baby gets called a fetus from an embreo. The PA said she was going to send someone in to start an iv to get me set up for a d&c... and then things get interesting...

The PA came back and told me the OB refused to see me and do a d&c because I am not their patient. That I had to go and set up a d&c with my OB's office... that "you CAN wait and pass the baby on your own, but since your body hasn't started the process, we do NOT recommend it." Basically, you need to get it done... but we don't want to do it here.... When she left to go get the discharge papers, Bruce and I were well... bullshit...so we looked over the patient rights and asked to speak to a patient advocate because we arte fighting the discharge.

The advocate came in and I flat out told her that I think they were more concerned with the fact that my insurance was pending rather then having it right there with the numbers in front of them and that if it wasn't performed, I will be contacting a lawyer over this.

About 30 mins later, my nurse who is different now, the senior nurse, patient advocate and the new PA named Scott came in and they are discharging me. Scott, went on that they did their jobs and HE is trained in this and that I recieved excellent care and that no OB in the world is going to come in and do a d&c when there is no active bleeding... very condesending... especially when I told him we don't agree... then.... get ready (take note that after my past with David and PTSD.. I have a problem with any man looming over the bed and talking in any ytpe of firm, angry voice)

First... he is quite threatening and then says, " I don't appreciate your attitude. I am GETTING PISSED at you. I'm leaving." So I replied, well that was professional and told the advocate you all just heard his exact wording, I want to put in a formal complaint. This was about an hour after finding out that I had been carrying my dead baby around for a couple weeks. 5 mins after he left the room... SECURITY comes in and asks if everything is okay. The nurse, nursing head and patient rep all said uh, yes. So I then told them, that I also wanted to make a formal complaint about that. That I had never made one threatening move towards this PA and he called sevurity. I told them that I would NOT let this be brushed under the carpet.

Next day we went to the health dept. Talked to the OB who is only there once a week, but was the OB I had picked a month ago. He talked with us at length, got everything set up, through his cell when the nurse couldn't get through on the main line... and set us up for the d&c. Then talked to us about if we plan on having more kids and he would help us, He is board certified in fertility as well) and when I mentioned getting a script for Clomid in 2 weeks he AGREED. (which I concieved Bailey on... and Jacob ^i^ from 1999)

And we are most definately actively trying... so be sending us some dust... because we will be baby dancing. Out of everything that happened... we are devestated. I feel empty... but honestly... thank the Lord for the small amount of time I was PG.... because... it brought back Bruce... who was quite honest in that he was pulling away because he was scared... something I wasn't sure he would ever admit. Something that I was telling our pastor from the begining. So, the Lord did answer my prayers.... and used a little baby to help get through a barrier and allow a lot of honesty in. The pastor and his wife came to the hospital to pray with us yesterday and talked with Bruce while I was in surgery. Pastor Willard actually told me that after talking with Bruce, he has great faith in us as a couple now.

We are a lot closer now. I thought we were close at the begining of our marriage... but now... leaps and bounds closer. Sort of more in tune with each other... and that is an amazing feeling. It's like... finding out what true love really is.

So send us a prayer and send us some dust... because we have a lifetime together and if so blessed by the Lord... a family to continue.


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Oct. 22, 2010 at 2:56 PM

that is quite a story about Gods faithfulness. what a little blessing that baby was, however short it's life was. a true angel in deed. 

i thank God for your lives together, and will pray for that continued closeness, and success overall for a little child for you both to raise together.


God is SOOO good, He's GREAT

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Oct. 23, 2010 at 1:43 AM

Bless your hearts! You are in my prayers!

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Oct. 23, 2010 at 5:54 AM

I'm sorry. Keeping you in thought and prayer. I'm sorry too for all they put you though in trying to get care...that was so wrong. Good Luck...sending baby vibes!

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Oct. 23, 2010 at 10:24 AM

The embryo comes before a fetus.  It's called a fetus after 12 weeks.

They were just doing their jobs.  No doctor in a hospital is going to initiate a D/C if you aren't actively miscarrying.  Something could go wrong and you and your husband sound like sue happy people.


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Oct. 23, 2010 at 10:46 AM

Well "Acid" it sure sounds like you haven't felt the sadness of a miscarriage.


OP- I'm sorry to hear your story. I too would have done exactly what you have done in this situation. I've had too many miscarriages and now I'm finally on Clomid and waiting for ovulation. Iknow how that feels to try and exhaust every alley before you can finally accept the truth. May God wrap his loving arms around you, and I hope you get through this together.


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Oct. 23, 2010 at 5:49 PM

its one of the roughest things.  I went through that when i was 18 years old.  i was 7 wks 5 days when i found out. 12 when i had the D&C i lost the baby at 5 weeks.  i said dangit i never want to experience that again i'd rather deal with a real miscarriage.  well stupid me, had to deal with that too.  it's rough but time will heal and thats stilly our baby,  I named that baby i lost.  i didnt pass on my own, I had the d&c which was just awful.  so much pain!!! but I named that bbay Kiah Alexandrea which was one of my picks on my list and since before 12 weeks a baby is a girl, i let it stick especially because Kiah means Big Sister.  you have my prayers for strength!!

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Oct. 23, 2010 at 6:10 PM

Actually Acid... the fetal stage starts at 10 weeks, not 12. You are also quite wrong on the hospital and the doing of their jobs. When I talked to the OB at the health dept the next day, he was appalled that it wasn't done. NOT passing dead "tissue" can not only cause huge infections inside of you, but permentantly damage your fertility. If I had gone to the other ER where he worked, he would have come in and done the d&c that night. Two reasons for medically NEEDING a d&c is FAILURE to pass the baby and actively bleeding out while your body is passing the baby. Perhaps I should also mention that my bp was extemely low for 2 nights at 87/50... 82/55... ect. It should have been done. Thank you.. my DH and I have tried to remain that this is a blessing from God to carry for a short while... even though it was his first loss.... I had been through this 2 times before. God Bless

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