You might be wondering what I mean specifically. Well, I'll let this do the explaining for me. A friend of mine posted this on facebook today and while I love her dearly and I know her heart is in the right place, this is a prime example of what I mean when I say we're in constant competition with one another over who has it the worst. Like it even really matters when you come down to it.
"Now onto my soap box....I understand that every part of the military experiences deployments and they are hard. But really...Airforce wives...please...sorry to be mean but 4 month deployments are a walk in the park compared to what our Soldiers in the army and their families go through. Army wives have been through 12, 15, 18 and 24 month long deployments....plus 2 to 3 months in the field at a time. On top of that 12 months of dwell time is actuality only 6 to 8 months depending on training time, pcsing, etc. So please stop and think about what many of us army wives have endured before you [go] complaining about a 4 month deployment. I'm sorry to say but some army wives are lucky to have their husbands to themselves for 4 months at a time. I love all of my Army Wife Friends. We are in this together and to the end. and again to my 15th friends...I am here for you. And to my 1-91 friends....so glad that your 12 months is almost up. Lastly, Please Hurry Home Safe and Stay Safe while you are there! HOOAH"
One of the comments was in agreement and another just said that she was a little offended by the post, but nothing more. I totally get why she was offended. Here was my repsonse:
I think about this a lot, too, because we do go through significantly longer deployments. I agree with you to a degree on this definitely, but I can see how an airforce spouse might be a little offended. It's like we're diminishing the difficulties that they experience from having a deployed spouse just because ours are gone longer. Big effing deal- we're all going through the same thing and it doesn't matter if it's four months or fourteen months. If my husband decided he wanted to join the airforce just for the shorter deployments, I'd be all for that, lol. I admit that it does bother me a little bit when my husband has been gone for 9 months and I hear someone whining because their spouse has been gone for 3 and will be back in 2 when I still have 3-6 months left to endure, but that isn't the spouses fault. They have a right to feel sad & to express that no matter whose nerves it gets on, just like we do. We should be supporting eachother instead of competing against eachother. And this wasn't a jab at you, [friends name]- I still heart you :)
I really can get both sides of this. She's just saying have a little compassion for those of us who have to live without our husbands for a year while you get to have yours for a significantly larger amount of time. And that's totally fine. I agree with that. I don't agree with making it seem like other spouses don't experience the same pain that we do. Even if it's just for a few months, they're going through all the exact same emotions that we are during that time. And yes, a year is a long time to be away from your spouse compared to four months. But ALL of it is time that you can't get back. All of our military is fighting for the same purpose and no matter how long they're doing it for- it still counts just as much as anyone else's time served. I can't be entirely sure, but I'd wager that none of the spouses I've met would hesitate to trade a 15 month deployment for a 6 month one. And then they would be the ones on the bottom of that totem pole that we seem to want to put eachother on. And yes, I did say that it bothers me a little when other wives whine about short deployments, but I recognize that the reason it bothers me is because I'm totally and completely jealous. It isn't the spouses fault. It isn't the soldiers fault (or airman or marine or whatever other branch he or she may be in) and it isn't even my fault. I can't help how I feel, but I can help how I react to what I feel. I don't have to make another spouse feel like she's less of a woman than me or make her feel like her suffering doesn't count because it doesn't reach high enough on some invisible scale. We should be encouraging eachother. Not tearing one another down just because you weren't sexually deprived as long as I was (lol) or because my husband came back a week before yours did. Suck it up, stop bitching at eachother and just be happy your man came home at all. And be happy FOR one another. It doesn't take a whole year for your life to change or just four short months. All it takes is a day. Your spouse could have boots on the ground for one hour and get shot or hit with an RPG or even roll over an IED in his/her truck. The months and/or years we go through waiting for them to return mean absolutely nothing compared to that. Think about the spouses whose husbands/wives don't come home at all before you start complaining that yours did.
I know this isn't the big picture, but Air Force no longer does 4mo deployments...(Unfortunately for me...).
I totally agree with you though, I'm going to support a woman whose husband is gone whether he's back before mine or not gone as long, it doesn't matter. If my husband comes back first I'll continue to be supportive!
- KrhMsh
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