Dear Me,

You've had a tough day, but everyone does, so don't let it spiral into depression just because you can. I know it's the easiest course of action to say, "Fuck the world!" and climb under the covers for a few hours, but it's the worst course of action, and you know it. Becoming too restful. Sleeping too much. Avoiding the world because one or two people hurt you today. All of these things are the start of a slow spiral to spending an entire afternoon in bed, and then an afternoon and evening, and then a day.

Your feelings are legitimate, and you were definitely unfairly attacked and betrayed. But you are also making too much of it. There is an important skill you need to learn -- don't take things personally. I know it seems impossible. After all, the slings and arrows flung at you today were aimed at you personally, but that doesn't mean you have to let them injure you that way. Step to the side, watch the arrow go by and see all of the feather attached to that arrow that don't have anything to do with you:

  • her hurt pride
  • her insecurities
  • her fears
  • her history, and her possible psychological problems

(Yes, it's OK to blame the actions of others on someone else's supposed psychological issues. You do it to yourself often enough.)

The racing of your heart that you're feeling now. The tingling in your arms and the immediate need to find a magical way to jump out of your skin...all of those will pass. The need to weep can be cathardic, and you should not be afraid to ask your husband just to be there, wear an absorbent shirt and wait for the fit to pass. He'll be happy to have something to do.

The lines between your life and your work are blurred. Your community is your business. Your employees are your friends and your friends are sometimes your employees, as are your enemies. It is difficult if not impossible for you to figure out where work begins and the rest of your life starts. It's a unique challenge and you are not quite sure you're up for it.  I'm not either, to be honest, and it might be time to think (seriously, this time) about a big change. Four years is enough time to say to yourself, "I did my best and gave it a shot." Your mental health is more important than any job, and let's face it kid, 40 is right around the corner. What are you going to spend the rest of your life doing that is a good fit and makes you happy?

Tonight, cry.

Tomorrow, take a day off -- mentally -- from everything that happened today and everyone related to it.

The next day, return and consider everything again. Renewed, refreshed, and ready.

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