My husband means well and I have no dought he loves our baby but he has not been to hear Ethan's heart beat, can not feel our son move as I once could or have the joy of breastfeeding that I would of been rewarded with after his birth. I can not see myself getting past loosing our son so fast because of so many reasons and having another child will never replace this little boy who my heart has had so much love for in such a short time. I have been holding myself together fairly well over the last few weeks but am loosing that fight as of this morning. I worry about giving birth and the moment when they tell me Ethan has no heart beat, I worry about bleeding out due to complications and my family loosing both of us, did I tell my kids how dear they are to me enough over the years so I would never be forgotten as the mommy I hoped I always was to them! So many things are going around in my head that it would take me hours to type it all. I am just scared and heart broken but if I was anything else I would be worried about the person I thought I was.

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Comments:

harle...
Nov. 3, 2010 at 9:10 AM

you know he loves you, and men really dont wear their hearts on their sleeves. Im pretty sure he is going through his own private hell. You are the person you think you are. Your kids know you love them very much!! Never doubt that! (i lost a parent when I was 8 and my baby brother was 2 he even knew when he was old enough to know that our dad loved us both )

Scared? HELLYEAH!!! who wouldnt be? We have all had those thoughts when something life changing has happened. This is a very sad situtaion. You cant help but think and wonder and the woulda coulda shoulda's. I do that everyday, am i paranoid? probably. I cant even imagine what you are going through. I am scared too that if I go to the dr for this one, that they cant find his heartbeat. He has echogenic bowel, genetic markers for a couple of things andthose came back negative but virul test werent so happy results. ANYWAY, we are here for you. If you have to write those feelings out do it. THey are feelings and they have to be heard.

Big ol freaking hug again!!!

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princ...
Nov. 3, 2010 at 10:02 AM

I wish I could just give you a hug or sit and cry with you....You will have days when the tears will never stop...and thats ok...I have days when I lay on the sofa and hold her blanket and just cry and cry....and thats ok...Please don't hold your emotions back....

My lil angel's father is probably over his grieving...I don't know because we don't talk....But he NEVER went to any appointments with me...the only time he heard her heartbeat was in a text message and he erased it....The only time he saw her sonogram pics was when I forced him to and then he said the 3-d ones look gross...and he would never touch my belly...So NO his bond with her wasnt like mine...

Please know that I am here for you anytime....

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Suzie...
Nov. 3, 2010 at 4:02 PM

Well ladies I am happy to find both of you here to chat about this with but I sure wish I would of never met ya's....Im sure you feel the same considering and get what I am saying but if nothing else we might have found some true friendships out of our losses. Thanks for taking the time to comment! Hugs to you both!

 

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Lb128f
Nov. 4, 2010 at 7:24 PM

I'll be keeping you in prayer. I'm sorry.

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