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So here I am again. Unfortunately I had another miscarriage. It's been 8 days since I had to have a D&C. The doctor told me I had two choices. I could either take the medicine and do it at home or do the d&c...I honestly don't think I could have done it at home. Especially with Emilie being home and just everything that goes along with it. So I opted for the D&C. It wasn't as bad as the last time I had to do it. The cramping was minimal along with the bleeding. I just wish this didn't have to happen...again...This is the second time and as much as I am still heart broken about losing another baby I am kind of feeling detached in a way. I hope that makes sense. I just don't know what to think at this point. I didn't think it would be this hard. I already have a beautiful child and I thought your chances of miscarriage went down after having a baby...but I guess not. The doctor told me yesterday that I shouldn't have any problem if/when I get pregnant again. Ok, that's what they told me the last time...so what's going on here :( I don't get it. I don't understand and I am mad. I am mad that this happened again. I said from the beginning that I couldn't do this again...and now I am doing it again. I said before that this time is different...and it is. Emotionally and physically it's different. I think it's emotionally different because I already went through this once and I was hoping for the best but preparing for the worst kind of thing. I can't believe this is 2 now...really...2???? What happened to "oops, I got pregnant..." where did that go...when did it get so difficult? Then I feel guilty about even wanting another child when I already have an amazing little girl and some women can't even have 1 child...and because I don't want it to seem like Emilie isn't enough for me because she is... I love her tremendously. She is amazing and I can't imagine life without her. But then again, what's the point of getting pregnant and it ending in a miscarriage? I would much rather keep seeing negative pregnancy tests :(

Anyway... I am just rambling now... I don't really know what I am feeling at this point. I want to try again but that's kind of hard considering my husband leaves for 6 months in less than 2 weeks to go to Afghanistan for his civilian job :( Is this ever going to get easier? I just don't know anymore...and sometimes I don't even think I ever want to try again... I thought for a brief moment about the birth control thing because I just don't want to go through this again :( :( :(

Thanks for reading. I appreciate it.

Amy Lynn

Mother to a beautiful little girl Emilie Rose and 2 Angel babies

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Comments:

pair-...
Nov. 4, 2010 at 12:33 PM

I have had 3 miscarriages and 3 beautiful lil girls.You are in my prayers.They are in God's arms..

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mom2m...
Nov. 5, 2010 at 2:06 AM

Aw Ames, I'm so so sorry you are going through this!!! I've never had a miscarriage, but can only imagine the pain... and I'm sure it's MUCH worse than I can even imagine :(  I can relate to all of the other feeling though.. I have the same mixed feelings and guilty feeling for even wanting another baby so badly.... Idk what to really say. Just know I am thinking about you, I miss you like crazy, and I love you!!! <3

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