Melissa...'s Journal

Grief of Losing My Husband

#1 Bring Food.

 We all know to do this, but if you bring dishes that you ever want to see again, label them with your name. Two months later and I still have an assortment of crock pots and Tupperware that I have no idea who it belongs to.

#2Call First.

After the first week or so, I didn't want anyone just stopping over anymore. Some days I just feel like sitting around feeling sorry for myself, and I don't want to talk to anyone. I deserve that time, so leave me alone when I get it. If you want to come over, call first and I'll let you know if it's good time.

#3 Don't Burden Me With Questions About The Future.

 I'm not ready for it. You're lucky I was able to get out of bed today. I can't even begin to think about tomorrow. It's too empty.

#4 Ask What You Can Do To Help.

 But if I can't think of anything, don't stare at me like I should have an answer. Thanks for the offer, and I'll let you know if I need anything, but if I can't think of anything right now, quit looking at me like I should tell YOU what to do.

#5 Offer Your Condolences Once.

There's nothing worse then for me to try to go out and TRY to do something normal. I'll run into people that knew him and want to say how sorry they are. That's great and thank you, but when I try to talk about something else, just let me. I realize you're sorry, believe me I am too, but sometimes I want to PRETEND I'm ok and talk about something else.

#6 Distract Me From My Stupid Life.

There isn't a friend that I appreciate more then the one that asks me to lunch or just to go do something with the kids. If I want to sit home and sulk, I will, but it's nice to have something to do if I want to get out of the house. It's good to pretend everything is fine once in awhile.

#7 Listen.

Even if I repeat myself a million times, just listen. No advice needed, just someone to listen.

#8 THE MOST IMPORTANT!!! Share Your Memories.

There isn't anything I cherish more then a memory or a story about my husband. I take them in, soak them up, and write them down. They're all I have left.

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Nov. 4, 2010 at 12:09 PM

Wish I was there Melissa, we could go out,  pretend all is well and have some fun but I hear  you and can relate to these points you have expressed.

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Nov. 4, 2010 at 5:05 PM

Well said =)

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Nov. 6, 2010 at 10:26 AM

I like this.

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Nov. 22, 2010 at 3:22 PM

I think this list will teach others a lot and it needed to be said! Not sure where you live but I would be there with you in a <3 beat to just have some lady talk. Memories are what keep us all going!

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