man I have had a real tough time with everything since I became a mom. with how things are going now I am thinking why did I let myself get knocked up by a loser? Why didn't I abort or something? Why did I think I was capable of rasing a kid on my own?

I'm having the hardest time with trying to keep shit together. my former employeer screwed me over (im putting it nicely) so now I can not get unemployment. After months and months of living with people I was finally able to get my on place but with that employer screwing me I have no way to pay for ir :( I don't have friends or family to ask for money. I already get assistence. But I'm out of ideas and ways to make it.

I'm feeling like a real failure right now. I am in college with two more semesters to go (M.A. Associates). I'm trying not to be hard on myself but with the lack of support its hard. I know a lot of single mothers feel the way I do but they typically have a mom, relative, friend they can go to for help...even if it is just emotional support.

I really super hate that his father is no where. He is typical black male made a kid and walked away. He tries to claim he is not the father, he tries to say I'm crazy when I turn him down and demand he give me some money to take care of our kid. He tries to make everything on me and he is MR. Scott free. I seriously hate this man and I hate that I wasn't paying attention and ran away. I have my first child support meeting and I can't wait to tell them what has been on my mind. I'm so tired of being broke and trying to be a good mom. This idiot only calls me when he think he can get some (I stopped sleeping with him long time ago). He even admitted he is just sitting at home doing nothing. Which is like ... if I only had a gun...

I hate that I can not get ahead

I hate that I don't have support

I hate I have no firends to lend a hand

I hate that I feel this way

I hate I have no idea how to pay my rent

I hate that I just can not be happy

I swear I used to hate black men cause they all have kids and leave, are mean, and other popular stereotypes. After a gal suggestion I decieded to open my mind and date them. they are the meanest, rudest, evilest, disrespectful men I have ever had the misfortune of knowing. none ever praised me, (made me feel insecure) or gave me anything I deserved. White guy were nicer (there were some jerks) but nothing that really ruined me. I hate that I allowed one of them to ruin my life. I really hate black men.

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Comments:

daye62
Nov. 6, 2010 at 5:02 PM

I am so sorry that you are going through this.Wish I could make it all better for you.If it helps,I have been where you find yourself.I had no family support,since I was young when I had my daughter none of my single,childless friends understood or would help.I was alone.I still don't know how I survived it but I did.I am in NJ and would help if I could.By the way,all races of men have the capacity to be dogs.I have dated white men,black men,and hispanic men.Until you love yourself and set limits and boundaries no man will treat you like the queen you are.That's what I learned from all of it.If you need a shoulder I'm usually around.

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Jazmi...
Nov. 17, 2010 at 4:24 PM

Yeah there are jerk men all over the Earth. I use to have limits and oundries but got deperate, I guess, and excepted what I normally wouldn't have. I don't like black guys because for some reason they are always meaner to me. Even growing up I got teased the most and bullied by them. I never felt respected by them.

I am surprised I have been through so much and still here too. people have been nothing but nasty to me. I am a nice person and usually like to have fun lol but these last few people (woman) have been unnaturally mean. I didn't do it to them something from there past or current life screwed them up and (I truely believe this) because I have a inner light/beauty/strength they want to extinguish it. I lvoe to meet new people but now I am more selective because I don't like dealing with people that are lower than me (emotional,mental health).

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