I have always prayed to be a mother. In 2008 I had two miscarriages six months apart. After those two I felt as if I was never going to get pregnant again. Luckily I came up pregnant in October of this year. As happy and joyous as this time is there is still alot of sadness and hurt that comes with this pregnancy.

In 2004 I lost my uncle from a liver transplant. My uncle and I were very close and his passing was very hard on me. My uncle was more of a father to me than an uncle. We did everything together. I watched for six months as he continusly got sick and then eventually passed away. 

Three years later in 2007 I received a phone call that I never wanted to get. My sister called me to tell me that my mother had passed away. I was in total shock, although I was expecting this to happen, I just wasn't expecting it this soon.

In 2008 My then boyfriend and I moved to north Alabama to begin a life away from our families in Mississippi. One month after we moved here my grandfather passed away suddenly from a heart attack. It was very hard on me because I was not able to go home to be with my family during this time of mourning. Still to this day, my grandparents house just doesn't feel the same without grandpa there.

In 2009, My boyfriend and I married on July 18th. We married in our hometown of New Orleans,Louisiana. All of our family and friends were there to celebrate our union. My granny who had severe demetia also attended our wedding. It was a wonderful day. My granny's dementia did wear on me because I felt responsible for her. One week later, my uncle called to tell me that my grandmother had suddenly passed away.  I was heartbroken because  the last time that I got to see my granny I was sort of frustrated with her.

During my pregnancy I have thought of who I want there when I deliver the baby. I just wish that I still had all of these wonderful family members to be here with me to welcome my baby into the world.

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mamae...
Nov. 8, 2010 at 2:47 PM

Hello.i was looking your profile and seen your journal post.....First off I understand where you are comin from with loses in the family and miscarrying...You are not alone with the way you feel.  In 2005 both my parents passed away within 5 months apart from each other, also in the that year I met my husband, but my mom or dad hadnt met him. After only being together for 3 1/2 months I was pregnant, we were very excited but a few weeks later I had a miscarriage but my body wasnt miscarryin so I had to get a D&C done...Not havin my parents then was defenitly hard for me plus I really didnt know my husbands mom well at the time either.  Later that year in Sep I found I was pregnant again and I was scared because I didnt know if I was going to have another miscarriage, fortunatley I didnt and had my son june 18th 2007 (one of those special  moments wishin my parents were here)  6 months later I was pregnant again with my daughter (born sep 20th 2008)....earlier this year May 22nd is when my husband and I tied the knot...we have been through some rough times this year but it only made us stronger, we moved to a smaller town to get away from drama and craziness...I feel alone sometimes because my so called friends dont really talk to me unless its neccessary to them and my family lives about an hour and a half away...

I am so sorry for your loses and I hope this pregnancy is awesome, just take one day at a time, try not to stress out..and about who is going to be in the room with you, I would ask the dr how can be in there, I was only alowed to have 2 the first time i had my husband and his mom but when we had our daughter it was only my husband...no matter who will be in there with you it is still going to be special....

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