I understand that he hasn't been back from his deployment very long and learning to live with us again takes some time and getting used to. But I have been busting my butt to keep the house spotless and have it all done by the time he gets home with the exception of our evening meal and bedtime routines so that we can spend some time together in the evenings after DD's afternoon nap without having to worry about anything needing to be done. But apparently spending time with us without being in the car or truck going somewhere is not something he can do. So why am I killing myself to get things done early and keep the house looking nice?? And how long do I deal with all his "gear" setting in the middle of the spare room spilled out every where before I start moving it around and finding homes for it myself to get it out of the way so that we can make that room functional as the game/play room, which was the whole point of having a spare room to begin with??? And if he is going to "help" around the house by creating more work for me then I would rather he not help at all. Example: Our 2yr old is potty training. She pooped on herself instead of saying she needed to go to the potty so he stripped her down and put her on the potty but NOT BEFORE cleaning the poop off of her and he didn't want to stay in there with her so he called me in to take over. Not only did I have to clean her up but I also had to clean the poop off of the potty seat. Twice the work! IDK, maybe I'm just too picky about things and feeling a little over worked and under appreciated. He does nice things for us too. He just replaced one of my video games that DD broke and bought us a big new tv and stand and got her some new clothes and he brings home dinners. But it would be nice to be able to get him to do things with us or to acknowledge that the place is clean and try to help keep it that way by at least putting his shoes away and not leaving clothes on the floor. There are ways he can be nice to us without spending money. We would rather have time with him than time with things that can be bought. Oh well. Time to go scrub the master bathroom.


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misty...
Nov. 8, 2010 at 2:19 PM

Well Im not going to rag on a American Soldier.  You live with him and we are just outsiders looking into a little bit of your life.  We have no idea what your relationship was before he was deployed.  Did he come on home at all on short leaves that were fun filled and exciting?  As far as the two year old........I honestly dont know very many guys who would know how to deal with the poopy pants situation.  At least he tried before calling you.  My husband would never even try lol.  Maybe you should relax and not expect so much from yourself and your husband.  Its probably going to take time.  Why not set down with him and suggest some together time for just you and him.  Or, better yet set up a date night and suprise him :).  Good luck momma .......... give it time.

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imuney
Nov. 8, 2010 at 2:45 PM

Youre going to have to talk to him about all this and when you do try not to make him feel bad just say stuff like "Can you do this because Im trying to do this but its not working because of this." Also remember that when they leave it is for a long time and they kind of get in the zone and have tunnel vision. He may not realize that the time he is spending is not quality time. My husband was like that after last deployment. It was kind of weird how he would always just go in his little man cave and stay there after work. I knew he loved me but for some reason he was always in that room. When I asked him about it he said its all about routine (whatever that means lol).  I agree with the other comment too about initiating what you want. If its a date you want then set it up,if its family time you want rent a movie or buy a game. He will eventually get the hang of it but just loosen up a little and thank God he's home! I wish my soldier was! 

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livel...
Nov. 11, 2010 at 7:17 AM

Hun - been there, done that!  I can offer my hugs and sounding board, but it will take a good amount of time for him to start letting his guard down and relaxing back into all the areas of his pre-deployment life.  Hang in there!  Saying a special prayer for you and yours today :)

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