I am a survivor, but then again aren't we all? We live each day with a list of things that need to be done, places to go, people to talk to...and then there is that time where one just gets away and sits and breathes. I have alot to say, yet always, am hesitant with my words and thoughts. I am such a protective person of who I am and my life story. I know my strengths and my weaknesses and refuse to accept anything that brings negativity into my life...I had enough of that growing up. I am constantly changing and my thoughts are often like the wind. I am passionate and love my life and believe I alone have a CHOICE to be happy no matter how bleak or sad life might get. I've seen the darkside of humanity with its sick and twisted perversions of what Love is or should be. I cannot be bought or bribed, I choose to love freely and ask for it in return. I do not own anyone and noone owns me. I believe in Love and believe it to be in its true form, by expressing itself with generoisity and compassion to mankind. I live by treating others as I would want to be treated. Along my journey, I have come across alot of hurt people.  I ache for them and want to hug them. Sometimes hurt is masked by mean words and a sense that they have to prove something to someone or themselves. I have been single for 12 years now...married once,and then divorced. The divorce was such a blow to my whole idea of family, to deal with it, I became a smoker and drank alot of pepsi....i was an addict. Smoking, gave me a sense of being in control, and that I was going to be alright. Though I get along with my ex, I had to sit down and really look at what went wrong. I can only say, that my past, my age, and some of his faults caused us to divorce. My faith, is what gave me a foundation for how to live and what was right and wrong ...and this was not supposed to happen in my life. I believe in Marriage aka Covenant. I cried alot, embraced my freedom, but ached for my daughter, because I was now raising her alone. I was 25 at the time. I really loved my husband, who was from El Salvador. I still do...but its a different kind of love, a love that wants him to be happy and to be successful with his new wife and 3 other girls. I do respect him and through the years, He and I have come to forgive the past and think of our daughter.

After my divorce, I decided I would never marry again. It wasn't what I was striving for...I just wanted to succeed in being a good mother. I tried living in Washington and California and then finally moved back home to the Central Oregon area. I am surrounded by a sister and a few foster parents and some of the most amazing people I have grown up with.

I love Yahweh. I love and want to do good things in my life. I would like to become a missionary after my children are grown. I have heard of babies in Naoribi that are orphans, and a certain organization, needs volunteers to just hold the babies. I saw this episode this past Sunday on tv, and decided I wanted to do that. I will need to work on raising my own airfare and accomodations but I think it would be worth it. I am hoping to maybe encourage my children to do something good in our community such as visiting nursing homes. I have alot of love and if I am not to love one man (even if i did) I have alot to give to those that will accept it. Love sometimes just listens and believes and is a friend.

I am rambling, but this is some of me, to share. I will write/type more later. Till then these are my thoughts for this site.

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