This is a long story, I would appreciate everyones advice, good and bad.  I'm 34 my husband is 43 and we have been married for 5 1/2 years. I have a girlfriend who is 25 she was at a party around younger people like herself.  A girl had started talking about me and my husband,saying she couldnt belive how he treats me, hes always trying to hook up with her friend.  So my girlfeidn was like tell me more. She wouldn't, so my girlfriend asks me to lunch and tells me.  So after some investigating i get this other girls number, the one he was trying to hook up with.  She texted me and told me she was working for him cleaning houses, hes a general contractor, and that he was always saying how he wanted to be her sugar daddy and all this crap he wanted to do to her. she was saving up for a car. then he tried to kiss her and thats when she put a stop- to it.  i confronted him he admittedd to it, but of course it was all my fault,oh yeah shes only 19 or 20.  Then afterthis info i started snooping around more and it turns out that he would go onto craigs list, which i always knew about because we also own a motorcycle shop and hed look for bikes to buy and resale, and he would find hookers in our surrounding citys.  At first he tried to lie about it, saying he just liked to look at there pictures like porno, but then i found where they emailed him back and then hed reply with his number and if they were in the area so they could meet.  then he admitted that he did sometimes hed admit that he had sex, because hed swear he used protection, then other times it was only a head job,or a blow job.  i found all this out two weeks ago i did get tested and i am still waiting for my results. But this is my situation, i worked for a hospital for five years and quit six months ago, so i could run our motoprcycle shop, all my family lives at least four hours away with familys of there own and problems of there own.  I cashed in my retirment and put it all into the motorcycle shop.  I dont get a paycheck, our shop doesnt make it on its own my husband contracting buisness carries it. He has complete control over our finances and money.  Two years ago i left him because i thought he was cheating and he was realy mean to me and my son. i have two kids a girl 15 and son 12, he has two boys 9,7.  He always tells me what a bad step mom i am.  but it seems like the only reason we are married is for me to be a housekeeper and babysitter for him. when i left him two years ago my family loaned me money 4000. and said if i got back with him they wouldnt loan it agin.  Oh yeah, and he swears he loves me and puts it on god that he'll never cheat agin, that if i stay he'll treat me good for the rest of our lives, now he realizes how much he loves me and wants our family to work. I have no money and we live in a very small town 3000 people, if i leave him i couldnt stay here, all his family lives here, but my daughter is a sophmore and is insitent that she cant move, even though she sgoing away to college in two years to like 10 hours away from here. my son hates him and wants to move so bad, but agin i have no money, and what if he would change. i hate him, i love him, im devestated, humilized,sad, lonely i wish i never meet him and built my life around him. i feel stuck

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Nov. 9, 2010 at 3:46 PM

(((HUGS))) I'm sorry you are going thru this. I think you should go back to work at the hospital. Start saving as much money as you can. Dont have sex with your husband. Just live together as best you can while you save a down payment for a apartment or rental house. He is not going to change. Your kids will be ok wherever you move to. Show them you stand up for yourself no matter what. You can cut corners and make it on your paycheck.

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Nov. 9, 2010 at 4:24 PM

I agree with her.. Use what you can to build up again.. and don't think about how much you lost.. But how much you gonna gain...  Damn how he gonna do this to you..  This is sooo discouraging, but ma we always going to feel stuck, especially financially. And he owns everything.. But he doesnt own your life, & our pride..  He's already on his 40's he should be settled, but he's not.. You still young, if you start with what you have to do for you & your kids. Sit & relax, & make a plan.. So sad that you have to go through this, but ma with anger, tears, & frustration, move forward..  And believe me it's not going to be easy because you love him, but remember you smarter than that..  If you want to stay with him & work it out, is up to you.. But if you dont wanna be with him anymore, than make a plan of how you can gain independency..  You might feel stuck now, but not for long. as long as you make a plan & stick with it..NO MATTER WHAT!!!

Use what you have now, & when you feel there's no way you can do this, that's a lie because wherever there's a will there's a way..   

and dont say I wish I never met him, because that make you emotionally attach to him w/o you noticing... trust me.. lol if your goal is to move on... 

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