I was actually going to post this in the Breast Cancer Awareness group that I am a member of, but truthfully I feel like such a fraud even trying, and I have twice now, but it doesn't seem to want to come out right. So I am posting it here, maybe someone will look at it help me cause I really don't think I can post this in the group. Here's whats going on...

My Mammy (grandma) found out last month that she had breast cancer in her right breast. They went and done the biopsy, and when we went back to the doctors, the doctor told her it was cancer, and that they believe that they got it all during the biopsy. Well, they gave her a choice that day, she could either keep her right breast, still having to go into surgery to remove lympnodes to have them checked, and have to deal with 5 days a week, for 6-8 weeks of radiation of chemo. Or she could choice to just go ahead and have her right breast removed, along with the lympnodes, and the doctor said that she most likely but not a guarantee wouldn't have to deal with all the radiation and chemo stuff. Well for my Mammy, it was a no brainer on what she was choicing. She decided it was best to remove the breast.

So not even 2 weeks go by, she had her appointment scheduled for her masectomy(sp) of the right breast and went last week to go and get blood work and everything else she had to get done at the hospital before the actual surgery. Then today rolled around, I had spent last night with her so I could make sure I could go with her to the hospital, I had my husband watching the kids. So we get down there and the waiting game begins for her "visitors". It takes about an hour to get her back to go get changed into her gown, and then to have all the I.V.s put in, and then we are able to go see her in the patient waiting room. (I don't know what else to call it but that, cause that's where she waited until it was time for surgery.) Then me and the rest of my family that was already down there, went back out to the waiting room, until surgery was over. That seemed like the longest hour and a half of my life. Well finally the doctor wants to talk to us. He says that she is doing well, but the tumor was larger than it had appeared, and what they had believed. He told us that he got all of what he could see, but was pretty sure there was more, and we would all have to wait until Mammy's next doctors appt. next week for the test result that they were going to start on the lympnodes and my guess is the rest of the tumor.

I hate to interrupt myself here, but I just don't understand it. How in the world could he not gotten all of the cancer. I'm no expert on the subject, or on anything of the sort, but how in, excuse my fingers, hells name could he not have gotten it all. Since he told us (me and the rest of my family) I have been worried sick. I am trying to hold it together for Mammy's sake, but I just don't understand it. He had her cut open and all he can say was that he got all that he could see. So where is it hiding? Seriously.

Sorry about that, I am still having issues with all of this. Anyways, after the doctor talked to us, we went and started migrating to the room where she would be staying tonight. Then the second longest wait of my life happened, (twice in one day, who can believe that). We have to wait for her to get out of recovery, and brought to her room. That took over 2 hours, when they said that it would only take an hour. I guess she wasn't feeling well, or something, and they had to wait. It's okay, I pretty much understand that. After she finally got into the room though, she was super tired, and we let her rest. Now I am at home, and she is still at the hospital, my aunt stayed with her, her daughter. And she is to be coming home sometime tomorrow afternoon. I am happy that she is okay, I am sad and angry about the whole issue with the doctors and the surgery. But what's important to me right now is the fact that she came through surgery fine. I love my grandma, she raised me from the time I was 11 months old, and now I worry that she wont be with us very much longer. I know she is a fighter, and she'll continue to fight, but still I worry.

Now back to what I said at the beginning. I feel like a fraud because I am not a person who has been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I am just a family member, pretty much a daughter, for my Mammy raised me like I was hers. I really don't know what to say to other people out there, survivors, people fighting this today, and other family members going through this. I wish I had more to say than "Everything is going to be alright." I just don't know what else to say, I am confused, angry, scared, sad, and I am also happy. Happy at least that she is doing okay after surgery.

So this is just what I wanted to say, what I was unable to post in group. And to tell the truth I am drawing a blank on whatever to say next so I guess I'm going to end this now, before I start repeating everything that I have already typed. Thanks for listening/reading, I know it was long and drawn out, but I had to get this off of my chest.  

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Comments:

daisyb
Nov. 9, 2010 at 11:11 PM

 

 WOW! you really have been through Alot in one day! your Mammy too! I am so sorry that she is going through all of this & you have to stand back scared to death watching & waiting & wondering what is going to happen next- i'm guessing that the Doctor has to wait for a report to come back & that will tell if they got it all or they will have to make another plan for her treatment- i'm really not sure......... sorry! You have No Reason to feel like a Fraud for posting this in the group- That's what it is there for- Someone will probably have your answers- Please post this in the Breast Cancer Group! If they don't have answers; they will support you- i will say a little prayer  for you & your Mammy- i hope everything will be O.K.- Take Care

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takea...
Nov. 9, 2010 at 11:43 PM

My grandmother was diagnoised with breast cancer back in September. She decided the same as your mammy, take it off.   I completely understand your frustration and concerns. Her doctor tolds us that he is "pretty sure" he got it all and the lymphnodes came back negative.

I am praying for you and you Mammy and that you get the answers you are searching for.

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