GothicMama's Journal

Days of my life

 Please just making it fuckin stop! I'm so fuckin sick of being "down" and thats an understatement. I'm sick of the random controlling thoughts....I'm tired of it all. I want to run away from them. I just want to be happy you know? I'm tired of everywhere I turn something happens. It makes me just want to sleep until its over. Every time I start to try to think about soemthign else my mind wanders right back and i get pissed off and stay that way. I want to be normal....not jsut normal for bipolar but completely normal!

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Nov. 10, 2010 at 9:51 AM


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Nov. 10, 2010 at 10:45 AM

thanks but its just going to take with all illnesses

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Nov. 10, 2010 at 12:36 PM

I was diagnosed with bi-polar about 13 years ago.  Turns out 3 years ago, I was "un-diagnosed."  The doctors call my condition "situationally bi-polar" ... what is that you ask?  that means "perfectly normal." lol.  It's not necessarily true though.  My problem was the lack of "dealing" with stress.  I was always one of those pple who didn't fight for anything.  I just coasted and let pple screw me over and forgave it or just let it go.  turns out that isn't DEALING with, it's avoidance.  Once you hit a certain point, any little thing pissed me off to the point where I had no control of myself or my feelings.  I got into millions of fights, treated pple horribly, and sometimes hurt myself.  When I began "dealing" with the stress... by writing, reading, walking, or exercising, even working obsessively, I began to regain control of my thoughts and actions.  it took a lot of soul searching and venting before things began to calm down.  my doctor told me I couldn't let things go  and I need to understand what my "triggers" were.  He compared me to a "momma bear" who protects pride and family.  Now, when one of my triggers show up, I can see it and walk away without any problems.   I promise, it DOES get better.  A lot of the times stress related problems are misdiagnosed... so if your "down" and "angry" alot, try exercising or venting in safe ways... it may help.  I am now in a place in my life wher eI can remain positive at all times and deal with my stressors and triggers safely.  But it DID take 13 years to get here.  :) Best of luck!

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