crying miniI was planning on returning to work Tomorrow morning and not because I felt ready to be there but money issue's are on my mind. My problem is that the ache in my heart for our little boy has made me realize that I'm not mentally ready for much of anything at this early point, see I work in a Day Care Center and if I can not even stand to look at a sign that reads "Expectant Mother Parking" without breaking down into tears just how can I give the children that I care so deeply for at work the attention n love they deserve from a care giver? My boss who is also a friend was very understanding and has my back that I have no doubt of and my husband says to take as much time as I need but how much time will it take for me to function normally? I broke down in front of my kids this morning but they totally get how bad mommy wanted to keep their little brother and they are full of hugs n love for me and that sure helps! I love them so much and am proud of who they are proving to me that they are becoming with my guidance. So I sit here frightened of what will become of the person I myself have grown into.....will this change me? I feel it will make me a better mommy n wife if nothing else but worry how long it will take me to be fine with the knowledge that love can hurt so deeply. 

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Nov. 10, 2010 at 11:03 AM

I'm praying for you, Suzie2mom...I cannot exactly relate, except when my daughter with Down Syndrome was born....I went through a deep depression and grieved the loss of the child that would never be....It takes a while....but what you are feeling is normal....I hope you can find some good friends with whom to share your grief as you pass through the steps of it....Do what you need to do....I believe it is wonderful how your boss, husband and children are giving you love....This will help you go on....



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Nov. 10, 2010 at 9:03 PM After I lost my baby at 19 weeks I returned to work two days later... It was a take your time. I'm not going to lie, you can't wait till everything is better to go back because it's going to take you sometime to recover. But you should take a week or so to get your head on strait and find a way to process these new emotions. My heart goes out to you. I have been following your story and it has touched me deeply. I promise it does eventually get better. Hugs );

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Nov. 11, 2010 at 7:36 AM

Sueann I think just blogging like you have been is a good thing. You are not bottling it up inside. Talking about it and dealing with it is going to be very hard. Like Veronica said we don't really know how you feel but remember when I have talked about Peanut being burned by her sperm donor. It's been almost 16 yrs. and some time I still get all crying and sad feelings.. So sweetie just take one day at a time. I'll be praying for you. Don't gave up the faith girl... This will make you a stronger person... ((((HUGS)))) Love you girl.... Leah

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