In August 2005 I gave birth to my blue eyed baby girl! It was the greatest thing in the world. She was perfect and I would cry looking at her because I couldn't believe she was mine. When she was 6 months old I got pregnet again. I was terrified! I had a very difficult birth with Abbi and was not ready for another baby plus my husband worked nights and I was exgusted.

My pregnancy with my son wasn't a bad one. I had morning sickness but I delt with it the best I could with a baby! Everything was normal until I got my birth defects test results back. My son was had a 50/50 chance of having down syndrome. I was crushed! I was scared that there was something wrong with my son and I wouldn't know what to do and the fact that my daughter was still little scared me even more. After more tests and a doctor who tried to talk me into aborting..I decided that it didn't matter to me if he was a downs baby or not because he was mine!

In December of 2006 I gave birth to a healthy baby boy! We was fine with no signs at all of downs. My daughter was 14 months old. It was the first time I was away from her and I cried in the hospital because I missed her so bad. The first day back home Abbi busted the only passy she would take.. I broke her from the passy and had a newborn to take care of! This is where I believe I lost a connection with my daugher I am still trying to get back. There was many nights where I just couldn't do it anymore and called my mom crying in the middle of the night. She took care of Abbi while I took care of Elijah. To me he was special. He was healthy and I was never going to forget that.

Elijah is now 3 (almost 4) and Abbi is 5. I love her more then anything but we just don't connect. I don't want her to be one of those kids that hates her mother. I'm scared that I cheated her when she was little. I try to spend time with her and I tell her all the time that I love her. She is my world and may never understand how I feel about her until she has kids!

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Nov. 10, 2010 at 7:22 PM

i'm sure she knows you love her and would do anything for her. she probably doesn't see the two of you as having a disconnected relationship. she's young and happy to have a mommy who loves her. 

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