So, I have come to the concluscion that everything in my life is my fault.... Everything that has gone wrong that is... Not matter what I do, or how I do it; it's never good enough. I can't take too many meds right now because of the baby, but I know that I need them.... My day's are filled in a dark corner... Hiding in the shawdows of the darkness that seem's to fill my soul. I can't seem escape the darkness no matter what I do...

 My darkest fear is that when this baby is born, I will fall back into the same pattern again and leave... Or not be there... I already fucked up with the other 3, and I don't want to do it again! I want to work on things, but all I want to do is sleep.. I have no energy to do anything at all. All I want to do is sleep and just hide from everyone... So what am I supposed to do ? My therapy isn't until December.... IDK.. I am just so tired of fighting.. I feel like giving up..


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Nov. 10, 2010 at 9:35 PM

You never know how much strength you have until strength is all you have.  Take it one day at a time.  Spend some time each day focusing on one positive thing.  Then the next day, pick another positive thing.  Focus on that. 

As soon as you can get back on meds - get back on them.  It is important for you - and for the baby.  I too have bipolar and struggle - sometimes a lot of struggling.  I have to take little bites of each day and get through each day.   

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