So I told Jason everything about Zander and me. He's so worried but I don't know if it is because of Zander or if it is for the both of us. I do not understand him much anymore. I don't think I ever really did. I was wanted and loved so what was there to think about? I had someone who I thought actually wanted me for me and not just want me for a lay. I do love and care about him and I wish nothing but happiness upon his life and who ever he is around. Unlike what he thinks he is still my everything. Hell I wouldn't have Zander if it wasn't for him.Yes Jason still means everything to me but I have no way to show him that. Every day, every hour, every minuet, every second I sit in front of the computer or the t.v. or even on the phone so I didn't have to think of him but it doesn't work. I have no idea how many times I have told him that I do love him but I know we can never be together. He was so happy in August when we found out about Zander. Choosing his name, changing it every month till finally we settled on it, planning a Valentines wedding on his birthday, and planning a future for the three of us. I don't know what to do anymore. Its hard trying to be a mother on your own when the father of your child is being treated how you were by your own father. I didn't want that. My father and I have no relationship at all and I really wish there was some way he would talk to me so I could understand. I don't think that he will ever talk to me. I'm going to get off here and watch a movie or listen to music.


Till next time

Whitnie Marie Brinkley 

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