ok, so a heck of ALOT has happened since my last post.

things haven't gotten better.

in a matter of 2 months, things have taken what looked like a turn for the better then did a crazy spin-out for not quite the very worst but close enough for now.

let me start at the beginning, seeing as that's pretty much the best place to start.

it all started on the very early morning hours (we're talking 12-2 am) of my daughters 2nd birthday almost 2 months ago.

JH and i hadn't really spoken spoken since our split back in june.

out of nowhere, he just starts sending me text messages.

i'd been with him for almost 6 years and i know him well enough to know when he's screaming out for someone to talk to without him ever asking cause that's just who is.

he's too macho to ask, show he has any actual feelings. it's so dumb, in my opinion but anyway...

we just started talking, like old friends, as if we hadn't hurt one another (i find out later that one of the reasons for this relaxed atmosphere between him and i was the alcohol, especially the amount of, that he'd consumed that nite).

he even flirted a little with me, like he used to when we'd first started dating.

i just brushed it off, carried on the conversation without really acknowledging the flirtations.

i'd finished baking my daughter's birthday cake and cupcake, with no word from him for the better part of half an hour so i just politely sent him a text good nite and that was that.

the next day, however, he wants to take the kids and i to the beach.

we had a great outing as a family. it was like old times minus me reaching for his hand to hold it while he drove.

he told me later on that nite that his grandfather had passed away 2 days prior (the other reason for the numerous text messages, he was grieving and needed a familiar shoulder to lean on) and was leaving for the funeral the next day (since the funeral was waaaay out of state, he was needed up with his family to help get things in order).

things during those 2 days took what seemed to be a turn for the better. JH and i talked about the possibility of getting back together, IF him and i first sought out professional help with our individual issues and then worked on our marital issues. he'd told me in one text message "i need time so i can do it ("us") right", which gave me some hope even if it was a small amount of it.

then, during the wk he was out of town with his family, arranging everything for his father's funeral, we talked then as well.

his sister and oldest niece talked to me alot then. this, to me, said maybe things really might be looking up for us.

oh, and not to get side-tracked here but during that time i also found out that, as of june next year, i'll be a great-aunt! lol how weird is that? i'm 26 and i'll be a great aunt! :) and to my 23 year old niece's baby! lol

anyway, then another week goes by. communication slows then comes to a dead end stop, for both my kids and for myself. it was as if JH had just fallen off the face of this earth.

he then informs me a few days later that he has been going back and forth from our wonderful city to our capital and then to our upstate for the past few days to try to fix his roommate (whom i affectionately call "the diva" cause this guy's in his 40's, single and is jammed so far up JH's butt, it's really not funny. anytime i was ever around, whether JH and i were romantically together or not, "the diva" would pitch a fit that was befitting of a drag queen or elton john...actually, 'the diva" still pitches those fits whenever i'm around, which is one of the reasons JH doesn't want me around his house but anyway, getting side-tracked again...), "the diva"'s car because it got stuck in the upstate. (keep in mind, our capital is a 2 1/2 hour drive, easily, from the city we live in and the upstate is an additional 1 1/2-2 hours so, you're looking at 4-4 1/2 hours, grand total for a one-way trip and he made this trip who knows how many times during those days instead of suggesting "the diva"'s car be towed then work on it once it was back at their place. AND he did all that in place of seeing and spending time with his kids as well)

all that was his reason for not speaking to the kids or me.

a few days later, he finally meets up to see the kids. FOR 5 MINUTES!!

i had to beg him to see them!! once he saw them, he wouldn't even hug them!! kept telling me, i don't have time for this, i have better things to do (WTF?!)

he barely spoke to them then just drove off, without so much as a goodbye, with my son hanging out of the window, crying and screaming for his daddy to come back. it broke my heart. i still don't understand how he could've been so heartless, so cold.

during that little meet-up, we exchanged "anniversary gifts" cause the previous week would've been our 1 year wedding anniversary. he gave me $15 worth in gift cards for a fast food restaurant that he'd managed to get from his work and i gave him about....well, a heck of alot more money-wise, in groceries cause he'd mentioned he was hurting in that department so i bought him alot of the essentials he always used to get along with some of his favorites since i knew he couldn't afford luxuries either.

he took it all, without so much as a thanks, before zooming off to continue his "busy day"

later that evening, he started texting me again, only this time it was to pick apart my reasons for wanting to fix our marriage, my reasons for being so generous and buying him food i knew he needed.

during the 10 hour texting, he accused me and my family of "setting him up" to fail and for him being in debt (a little tidbit here: he was already waaaay in debt when i met him. in almost 6 years, that same debt he had back then still hasn't been paid off cause he won't get off his lazy keister to go find a good, legit job cause A: it'd mean he'd have to do actual work and 2: he'd have to take a certain required test most well paying jobs make you take and he knows he wouldn't pass) when it was my family, and his but seriously, mainly mine, that was always paying for our bills and my car insurance. if it weren't for all the financial support we'd received when the kids and i were there for 2 1/2 years, we would've been out on the streets before you could blink.

he also went on to continually cuss me out, tell me he was going to sign over his rights as my childrens father, that he was done with the whole family deal, that it was time to do what JH has always wanted to do, start living the dreams JH has always wanted to live, that he was going to go out looking for a big paying job and i'm the one who needs to "go get fixed" (therapy-wise), not him cause there's nothing wrong with him, that's he's perfectly fine.

after that, i stopped speaking to him.

after all, who wants to speak to someone like that, who wants absolutely nothing to do with their own kids?!

then, out of nowhere, he emerges a week later, texting me yet again (you'd think for someone wanting to be so macho that he'd at least have enough balls to pick up the phone and call me, not text me like a little coward, hiding behind the screen of his phone), asking me if his mother (but not him) could take my kids trick-or-treating! this is the same woman who, when i was about 6 months pregnant with my son, told me that if i didn't have my (then unborn) son (and her grandson) christened that he was going to go to hell! those were her words! it was a conversation i remember to this day and i remember it very well! this is the same who told that when she herself hadn't stepped foot in a church in 15 years then (now it's 20+ years)! she also told, on one occasion, because she thought her son and i were doing such poorly of a job of being our son's parents that she was going to come down here and take him away from us (aka kidnapping him)! the woman's mental! abso-freaking-lutely crazy!

so, of course, my response was NO! not to mention we were extremely sick then and were going to not do halloween this year (and for me to say that's a big deal cause it's one of my favorite holidays, i look forward to halloween every year).

he then continued to push the issue, trying to guilt me into saying yes (which, btw, guilting NEVER works on me. i'm immune to guilting lol) and going into this whole spiel about how his mom would be coming from out of town, etc., etc., yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah

i told him to tell her to not come down, it'd be a wasted trip cause the kids were extremely sick and not going ANYWHERE!

a few days later, his mom posts a public message on my facebook page, talking about how she can't wait to see the kids, etc., etc. and it's then that i find out that he only told her they were sick, didn't go into detail how sick (they both had bronchitis and tonsillitis...fun (being saracastic, btw)...).

she then continues to make the issue public, instead of private, which is what i'd attempted to do with no help from her, and then tries to guilt me as well.

when i continually come up with no's, his sister then tries guilting me as well (yeah, this family is THAT bad. they think they can guilt and manipulate any and everyone to do whatever they want done).

i come up with no's still, continually explaining the seriousness of my kids illnesses.

they finally just wish them well and that is that...or so i thought.

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