We just lost my dad, so we are familiar with how this is going to go, but my siblings won't talk to each other. The oldest wants me as a go between with my sister. (now you have to understand the oldest is 58,then 56 and my sis 54 and me 40). I told my mother to tell him to grow up and am I adopted? I did everything for my dad and when he wanted to go home to die, I made it happen. Now months later, my mother...

She wants to go home. Well they undid everything I did (made a live-in room and took apart my dad's room) where my mother should sleep and the live-in could sleep. The oldest says well "Me and (56) will move the furniture and maybe you can come over and dust.."

I said" I don't think so...what did you guys do to help me??" (they did absolutely nothing, but complain that I was bringing him home)

Now (58) says..tell you sis this and that...I said YOU call her, don't put me in the middle...grow up!

I have little kids, there's are out of college (and only came by the house on xmas for their $). I don't want to leave my mother feeling like she is neglected, but last year she collapsed in front of me with an aneurysm, she was in a coma, and somehow survived. When she came home (same time last year), it was hell. They don't understand that there is so much that has to be done all day. My kids suffered because I wasn't here. (and during that time my dad was in the hospital at the same time as her and we knew he didn't have long, but they ignored him)

I just want them all to play nice, but I don't have the energy to put on this..

I understand everyone deals with death different...but these boys only called when they had to (mom's day, father's day sometimes, birthdays) and now they are flipping out?? We couldn't have a funeral for my dad, I took my mother for some blood work and was gone 58 min, when I came back the live-in was in the shower and I found my dad...the phone rang and my mom needed an emergency blood transfusion..I just threw a party on my dad's birthday(celebration of life I called it) over 80 people came and only one sibling...I just feel so done with this whole situation....

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Nov. 15, 2010 at 3:38 PM

I'm so sorry about your Mom (and Dad). Dealing with parents who are ill, who are at the end of life is so difficult. I can relate (both parents ill and losing them) and a sibling who wasn't "involved." You are right...it is TOO MUCH for you to do alone. You are NOT an ONLY child and "they" should not be trying to make you take care of everything. I'm so glad you told them to figure it out and I hope you will continue to do so. I'm sure your Mom appreciates all you did for your Dad (and all you do for her now). She is the only one who matters really. I'll be saying a prayer your "older" siblings grow up fast and realize how much help you've been all this time!  And, I'll be keeping you and your Mom in prayer, too.

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