I can’t seem to find peace right now.. when i never really had much of a problem with it… my life has decided to leave me stuck between a rock and a hard place… has decided to divide not just my immediate family, but my parents as well… all for what? for my brother. 

There comes a time in everyones life when they need to hold themselves accountable for the things that happen in their lives, I have finally decided to do just this. I have come to the realization that no matter how much I want to help the kid, I can’t. His problems go way deeper than I have the capabilities of dealing with. I now know that what I do do for him hinders his growth and progress. He doesn’t need someone to  hold his hand, cook him dinner and care for him. What he needs is tough love, he needs me to cut him off. He needs to learn for himself what having a home/apt, what have you, really means. To learn the value of a dollar. To learn what living really is, because it isn’t your mother paying your rent, paying your bills, bailing you out of jail, and it isn’t your sister doing the same. 

Now, I have come to these terms.. and I can now do my part to help him flourish… and I will.. however there is this one issue of my mother, she can’t, or won’t, turn his back on him for fear of what he will do… but unfortunately, this is exactly what he needs. As long as we cater to him and help him, he will continue to take advantage of our family, he will continue to do as he pleases wasting his days away next door playing video games instead of doing SOMETHING. I don’t care what it is.. just something other than being lazy. He does NOT have this luxury. 

Which brings me to my next point, my mother, how on earth do we all deal with her? It has been around 5 years now that she has coddled him in his wrongful decisions, and after three D.U.I.’s and two drug chargers, two trespassing charges and a handful of other things, what will it take to convince her that this is no accident? That he is choosing to make these choices? It pains me to see her put herself through this, but how on earth do I make her see just how volatile he is? He is the poison that burns this family to ashes. For that mater.. can I? *sigh* No one said life was easy, but no one told me it could be this hard. 

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daye62
Nov. 14, 2010 at 1:11 PM

I had the same exact issues with my mom and my brother,10 years younger than me.He was in and out of prison,always in some kind of trouble,his whole life full of "what can you do for me so I can concentrate on having fun,aka self-destruction".I never could get through to my mother,and neither could other well-meaning family members.(My dad died when I was a teenager)Our mother died when my brother was 30,and still living at home.I could no longer coddle him;I had my own life and my own grief to deal with.First he found a woman to live off of and when he caused her destruction he finally sank into homelessness and despair.I refused to help him,crying myself to sleep most nights with fear and guilt.For the last 3 years I haven't heard from him because he has "disowned" me.I wish I could tell you this story has a happy ending.While the ending hasn't been written yet,from what I hear he's learned very little.Except how to blame me.I'm writing to urge you to be strong.You can't save your mother or your brother,only yourself.If you let him he will be the death of you.I'm convinced the stress he put my mom through is what killed her at 59.I can't allow that to happen to me and neither can you.Be strong and turn him over to whatever higher power you believe in.Message me if you need to vent.

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