But the kids...but now I'm thinking the kids need to see what a relationship is. I am just getting to the point after 10 years, that I just shouldn't have to settle for a man that I am beginning not to like. Last night he said he doesn't feel loved. Well, he drinks and at the end of the day with his pity party is not the time to try to talk. He said that he needs kissing and cuddling (I have been on the couch for almost a year).  I said, kissing and cuddling..well, you smell and taste like beer and his response was if I quit this then there will be something else. I said like what? You see he did quit for a couple of months, so I pointed out if you hadn't of quit then I wouldn't have know you could be a better guy so maybe you shouldn't have done that, because now I know who you could be. But that went right over his head. I am hoping that later in the week, I can say to him...Do I really have to settle? It's not like leaving the cap off the toothpaste thing that you just deal with...but this too might go right over his head. Wish me luck...

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Comments:

Meggi...
Nov. 15, 2010 at 8:56 AM

I think you need to be more direct with him. Ask him to not drink *every* night and on those non-drinking nights be more affectionate. It's like positively rewarding your kids (men are, after all, big babies in one way or another).  Using the phrase "Do I have to settle" might sound like an ultimatum to him.  Good luck.

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daye62
Nov. 15, 2010 at 8:58 AM

Have you considered attending an Al-Anon meeting?There you'll find people who have lived with the issues you are facing and they will be able to offer you understanding and advice.Alcoholism affects the family in huge ways,and an issue that you WILL have to face is that,whether he stays or goes,all of you have allready been affected and become maladjusted in your own ways.It's not NORMAL to have to sleep on the couch for a year,it's not NORMAL to have a parent risk their children's lives by driving under the influence,etc,etc.All I'm saying is that both you and the children are going to need counselling;probably the longer you tolerate being in that marriage alone the more serious the need for therapy will be,again,for all of you.If you doubt me,ask an adult child of an alcoholic what their childhood was like.They will overwhelmingly go on and on about their parents' issues with alcohol.Never fails.Al-Anon is a soft,and free,place to begin the healing process.There they can teach you ways to stay sane with or without the alcoholic,and maybe guide you in your decision-making.Good luck.

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