I want to take this time to tell anyone who looks about my three boys.  My first born is Reilly; now 3, he's a perfect mix of mom and dad.  In the sun, the red comes out in his hair, a signature Nixon trait that he got from his dad.  David doesn't have a red head, but when he manages to get a little scruffy, that beard is a perfect blend of red and brown.  Reilly loves trains.  If it has anything to do with anything about trains, he's all about it.  Watching trains go through crossings on youtube, playing with his Thomas trains, or watching movies that talk about nothing but trains...he's doing it.  Reilly is such a great kid, he's caring and loving, and very helpful...so much so he's been known to start unloading the dishwasher on his own without being asked.  I never did anything like that...this must have come from dad too.  Reilly means outgoing; and with more friends at church than we have, he's definitely that, though he has been shy around people the first time he's met them.  After that, he's your best buddy; running around making you laugh...cackle even.  He's such a joy to be around.  I must add that despite how awesome he is, he is a toddler.  Toddlers have their moments.  He definitely has his, but few and far between.

My other two boys are twins.  Born on October 27, 2010 they were only 24 weeks gestation.  But they are Nixons, and my boys too, so naturally they are stubborn too.  At 22 weeks pregnant, I learned that I had placenta previa.  I'd started bleeding and had filled a toilet bowl, turning it completely red.  I bleed off and on for the next two weeks.  It even turned brown at one point and was almost nonexistent.  On October 25th I started contracting.  It was late at night but it was painful and already at 5 mins apart.  We get Reilly up and get him to my parents' house.  I'm given shots of tributilene and although the first round works and I'm sent home, I don't even make it home before they've started again.  We go to the regional hospital this time and the clot passing begins.  I'm bleeding "regular" now and freaking out.  Fast forward to 3:45 Wednesday morning (27th) and I'm getting up to use the bathroom and it happens...the bottom falls out.  I pass the biggest clot ever...think long maxi pad, yep that thick too.  Nothing left to do at this point but deliver.  Bennett makes his entrance at 3:55am weighing only 1lb 6oz and 12 1/2 inches long.

I'd had his name picked out the longest, at least since I was 12 weeks pregnant.  It means "little blessed one."  That he was...the best blessing.  Not far behind him, at 3:56am was little bro Matthew.  Matt-Man weighed in at 1lb 8oz, also 12 1/2 inches long.  "Gift from God"  does not come close to describing how amazing I think this little guy was.

My secret wish had come true.  Me, a mom of three.  Severely outnumbered, I couldn't imagine having anything but boys.  My boys are strong.  They are fighters, and do not go out easy.  But all fighters have their weakness.  For Bennett and Matthew, their bodies were just too little and they were born too soon.  Everything seemed fine at first, though Matt suffered a setback first.  Matt fought hard for a whole week, Bennett for 11 days.  It's a horrible thing to lose a child like this, indescribable to have lost two.  I take comfort in David, my family and friends, the memory scrapbooks I've made for them, the support we've been shown, having been able to have a memorial for both boys...but I take the most comfort in Reilly.  My success...my first. 

What's in store for us now?  I have no friggin' clue.  I constantly find myself questioning what's next.  Having left so many groups here for twins and February due dates...alot of my time had come up free.  The twins' books are finished, but the bills are still coming in.  Thank goodness for insurance.  We'll still have massive copays, but there's no way we could've paid the whole amount...all the hospital stays, drugs...not to mention the cremation bills. 

More kids?  Who knows.  One thing is for sure, we are nowhere near stable enough in any aspect to consider that.  I feel more inclined to try again than not too, but I'm not in this alone.  Thank God I'm not in this alone.

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Comments:

Guinh...
Nov. 16, 2010 at 8:05 PM

Your sons are all beautiful. Gifts, each one of them. Your oldest son has such a lovely little face, and a smile that lights everything up, you can tell. 

Your twins are remarkable. I'm glad you got the time you had with them; I can't understand what it is like to lose one you love so deeply, let alone two, but at least you had the months of pregnancy and the few, too few, days before they were taken. 

Thank you for sharing your sons with all of us. I'm glad that I was here to read about them. 

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twny
Nov. 17, 2010 at 10:51 AM

Beautiful story, thank you for sharing.

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ziya899
Dec. 5, 2010 at 11:07 PM You have a beautiful family. Thank you for sharing your life with us. I'm still praying for you. Nothing can describe how a mother feels when her child goes to heaven ... I know bc I have experienced it before and I still can't describe it. But I will say your experience and your children especially your twins have blessed us abundantly .... thank you for allowing them to bless my life too.

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curta4
Dec. 21, 2010 at 8:41 PM

Thank you for sharing your story of your 3 beautiful boys.  I'm so very sorry for you loss of your two sweet angels.  I am in the Feb 2011 group and have been following your pregnancy along with many others and I was so saddened to hear they did not make it.  I hope you can find peace in knowing they are in the arms of the lord and will forever watch over you and your family and their big brother.   God bless you all.

 

-Christie

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mille...
Jan. 1, 2011 at 2:42 AM

I've stumbled across  your page while looking through the mod posts.  Thank you for sharing your story.  My SIL lost twins back in '86 and I saw the emotional toil it took on her and my brother.  So I know it is hard on you.  I pray for peace and comfort for you, your husband and your older son.  God bless you!!!!!!!!!!!!

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AshJoe05
Jan. 29, 2011 at 9:22 PM

Hello- I came across your story and just wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your boys, we lost a daughter at 29 weeks but that times 2 would be even harder. Be strong momma, they are with Jesus and you will see both of them again

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