I need to vent.  I am honestly losing a grip on my sanity and it's all because of my in laws.  I have a very busy schedule and am pretty far into my pregnancy so their ridiculous behavior is bothering me even more now. 

To start off, my mil is a nice lady for the most part.  She doesn't intend anything bad but she is just the most frustrating person to deal with.  She has no backbone.  Her husband yells at her, tells her she's nothing, hits her and all she does is laugh it off - he even does all this crap in front of people (my parents included).  Mil has even told me that when they were young he refused to ejaculate outside of her because she, as his property, had to deal with the consequences of having him as a husband.  This ended in many abortions (she wasn't allowed to be on the pill either).  I'm not sure why she told me this but since then I've told her to keep crap like that to herself, otherwise I would have to shoot him in the balls.  I feel bad for her but her attitude towards his behavior is what makes me mad and I cannot imagine allowing her to be around my children for long periods of time because of it - I mean what does that teach the kids?  She also keeps a really, really dirty house.  I mean, it's so dirty that it would have to be burned down because I don't think anything in this world would be able to sanitise that place.  She tries to compensate by being talkative and annoying.  If she gets you into a corner, you are stuck there for an hour listening to the most uninteresting and stupid things.  She also tends to exaggerate things a lot and sometimes this impacts me because she takes crap out of context and creates problems between my husband and I.  Honestly I feel bad, but I don't think I signed up to be a therapist for her nor do I want to be.  I don't care what they do when I'm not around, I just need them to stop acting like barbarians in front of me.

Now, of course I hate my fil with a passion.  Every time I see his face I have this need to spit on it.  He's just disgusting.  He walks around in his undergarments, no matter who may be around.  He puts people down constantly just to make himself feel better - he does this with his own kids too.  They are actually his main victims.  He doesn't like me very much, so our feelings toward each other are mutual.  He is so uneducated that I'm not even sure he can read properly, or at all.  He treats his wife so bad.  It's really hard to stand back and not get involved when things like that go on in front of me, but I just don't want to make scenes and don't want them to have an excuse to butt into my relationship univited.  He yells at her, treats her like his slave.  Every time we go to their place for a visit, I have to mentally prepare for a couple of hours of pure insanity - noise, yelling, just chaos all around.  He hates the fact that my husband and I have respect for each other and that my husband doesn't treat me the way he treats his wife.  He believes that women are far below men, he has told me this directly to my face, and that I should be my husband's slave.  I've had arguments with him about this when he has directed comments towards me specifically, but it's really hard to have an argument with a person who has peas for a brain, so I've given up.  I just roll my eyes and turn around when he says something similar now.  What bothers me more than him talking down to me is him talking down to my husband.  I know he's his son, but my husband doesn't fight back.  He looks like a little kid being chastised every time his father gets into one of his moments and this kills me because my husband is nothing but the nicest most caring person I know.  He's very successful and social when he's not around his monster of a father but as soon as he's in his presence, the husband that I know goes away and in comes this scared little boy that won't utter a response no matter how unreasonable that monster is.  This tyrant has just managed to terrorize his entire family for so many years that none of them have the guts to put him in his place anymore.  This is his problem with me - he cannot stand the fact that I call him out on his stupidity and put him in his place when he crosses the line.  The funniest part is that now that I'm pregnant, he's trying to kiss up to me because of the baby - presumably thinking that I will allow him to be close to my child, which is definitely not happening.  I've seen him with his other grandchildren and it makes me sick every time I see how he treats them.  On top of everything, he's an alcoholic - he just never drinks anything but alcohol.  Anyways, I think I could go on forever with the crap that he does, but I think you ge tthe picture.

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Nov. 17, 2010 at 1:08 PM

you should go see the girls at Dealing with the in laws

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Nov. 18, 2010 at 3:30 PM

I understand how your husband feels.  My father does the same stuff to me.  Everytime he's around I turn into the little girl that wants to crawl into a hole and hide away from the world.  He blames me for his life not being what he wanted. He got my mom prego when she was 15 and back then was forced to marry her.  OH, don't worry, he didn't stop dating after he was married.  Just treated my mother like shit and of course it was a sin in my mother's family to get a divorce, so she lived with his insane ass for 31 years. She would probably still be with him if he hadn't left her for a woman my age.  I thank god for that everyday because my mother is SOOOOOO much happier and just recently married a man that treats her like his queen.

My father on the other hand doesn't have much to do with me.  He doesn't like that I talk about my childhood and tell people about the numerous beatings mostly given to my brother.  I was a quiet shy child that just didn't say anything because I knew it wouldn't matter if I did.  My brother on the other hand was very vocal and difiant, thus the more beatings.  OH and my mother was no innocent in all that, but my father takes my talking about it as a war wound.  You know family secrets are suppose to stay hidden in the closet.

Dad very rarely calls and talks to me anymore, maybe once a year.  I've decided that this is fine because it hurts far less to have him missing from my life than to have him in it.  Maybe your husband should think about this.  It still hurts that he's not there and it hurts that he doesn't care about me.  I try to push the words out of my head that were so often repeated when I was young, "Your the biggest mistake of my life". 

I too am a successful adult and am pretty well adjusted concidering, but when that man comes around I usually end up in bed crying for at least 24 hours.  So I don't push to have a relationship with him anymore.

P.S.  I wouldn't allow my children around your FIL either.

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