Back to the beginning, that is where I feel I am.  In May I vowed to give up dieting and accept myself for what I am, an overweight middle aged woman who cant relive the past but can love the now and be excited about the future.  Well...hows that working for me.... fair!

I have learned to accept myself better but in doing so I have put on 18 pounds. (More of myself to love) The thing about it is I don't feel like I eat terribly wrong. I cook healthy meals.....Portion control.....maybe not so much. And I do not like to exercise what can I say.  I can say and know in my heart I have to do it.  I have to get over my fear.  The obvious fear, hurting myself. A year and a half ago I had knee surgery from a treadmill incident. The not so obvious fear what if I actually lose weight. Not just 5-10 pounds but the real weight I need to lose 50+ pounds.  What will be expected of me then.  More sex with my husband. To actually feel sexy again. To be able to hike and do the fun adventures I used to love.  To be able to keep up with my teenage kid and maybe one day run around with grand kids.

So I had my mandatory insurance physical and to my surprise I am in good shape on the inside. All the right numbers in the right places. You know cholesterol, blood sugar, iron etc.  The only wrong number is on the scale.  So an elliptical machine was bought yesterday and my decrepit knees will be on it today! Now I am not expecting much but will give it my best and try to be patient with myself. "Patience is a virtue" if my mom said it once to me she said it a thousand times.  Will I ever learn it, I am beginning to doubt it. Will I stick with this and just accept what comes......I'll give it my best!

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Comments:

FinaO...
Nov. 18, 2010 at 10:48 AM

If your healthy on the inside, don't worry too much about pushing yourself on the outside,  I am with you.  Although, according to the scale I am 40 lbs over weight... but when you do a BMI measurement (instead of just the calculation) I am right SMACK where I am supposed to be.  I have perfect blood work too.... I keep being told by family that I should be less than 130 #.... WHAT??  I haven't been down that low since I was 12.  lol.  30 minutes a day on the elliptical and your right as rain.  :) Promise.  (I am going to buy one so I can watch House or something like that while on the elliptical so I can do my 30-60 minutes :)  )

BTW:  The #'s on the scale have NOTHING to do with how sexy you are.  :)  According to many men I have asked about this.  it's all about the attitude :) 

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jillnich
Nov. 18, 2010 at 11:52 AM

thank you for the encouraging words and support!!!

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