I am 37.5 weeks along in my pregnancy. For the last 37 weeks of it, allI have done is complain...lol. Ok, not all of it, but a majority of it. What stared out as an unplanned pregnancy that turned our lives emotionally upside down, has now done that to me physically. I have been seeing a chiropractor for my awful hip and sciatic pain, and as much as it helped, I still suffered a lot of pain, evenually having to quit my earlier than I wanted to because I literally couldnt do it anymore. Add to that the already 1 month of false labor everyday, sometimes so intense I would just lie on the floor and cry. This pregnancy has been the worst ever for me.
But................... I only have 2.5 weeks left.. maybe more, maybe less. And yesterday as I was losing all grip of reality and sinkiing furthur into my depression, my doula called. SHE IS MY ANGEL! She told me it was ok to feel the way I did. She told me it was ok to have the fears, the anger..etc. She told me to go with it, accept it, then MOVE ON! Move on? How can I?.. But then I realized.. yeah all I have been doing is fighting this. Fighting my fears, fighing the pain.. being angry at everything that has happened and angry at this annyoing and constant pain. Well, I honestly don't feel like accepting it. I SUCKS! But.. whatelse am I gonna do?? I am SO TIRED of being angry and miserable every damn day and night!
So...... I will no longer complain. I will look at these false labor pains as a good thing: my body preparing for labor. I will look at this hip and sciatic pain as a good thing: my joints are well opened and ready to bring my baby out into the world. I will look at this unplanned pregnancy as agood thing: a new and wonderful little boy that will soon be joining our family to make us laugh and cry and smile and drive us crazy and amaze us........
Because I have a choice on how to look at all of this, and from now on, my choice is a happy one.
This is the LAST ime I will ever carry a child of mine inside my body. This is the last time I will ever be able to do something so amazing.
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