I am 37.5 weeks along in my pregnancy.  For the last 37 weeks of it, allI have done is complain...lol.  Ok, not all of it, but a majority of it.  What stared out as an unplanned pregnancy that turned our lives emotionally upside down, has now done that to me physically.  I have been seeing a chiropractor for my awful hip and sciatic pain, and as much as it helped, I still suffered a lot of pain, evenually having to quit my earlier than I wanted to because I literally couldnt do it anymore.  Add to that the already 1 month of false labor everyday, sometimes so intense I would just lie on the floor and cry.  This pregnancy has been the worst ever for me.

But...................  I only have 2.5 weeks left..  maybe more, maybe less.  And yesterday as I was losing all grip of reality and sinkiing furthur into my depression, my doula called. SHE IS MY ANGEL!  She told me it was ok to feel the way I did.  She told me it was ok to have the fears, the anger..etc.  She told me to go with it, accept it, then MOVE ON!  Move on?  How can I?..  But then I realized.. yeah all I have been doing is fighting this.  Fighting my fears, fighing the pain..  being angry at everything that has happened and angry at this annyoing and constant pain.  Well, I honestly don't feel like accepting it.   I SUCKS!  But.. whatelse am I gonna do??  I am SO TIRED of being angry and miserable every damn day and night!

So......  I will no longer complain.  I will look at these false labor pains as a good thing:  my body preparing for labor.  I will look at this hip and sciatic pain as a good thing:  my joints are well opened and ready to bring my baby out into the world.  I will look at this unplanned pregnancy as agood thing:  a new and wonderful little boy that will soon be joining our family to make us laugh and cry and smile and drive us crazy and amaze us........

Because I have a choice on how to look at all of this, and from now on, my choice is a happy one. 

This is the LAST ime I will ever carry a child of mine inside my body.  This is the last time I will ever be able to do something so amazing.


i rock

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Nov. 18, 2010 at 10:40 AM

:D  Oh I so understand how you feel.  I had the same sciatica and hip problems with my 2nd... and 3rd... and am already starting the pains with my 4th :D.  It SUCKS, but you ARE RIGHT, YOU CHOOSE how you handle it.  I complained all the way through my 3rd pregnancy because it was sooooo different from my easy first two.  When we fight what's going on and stay angry, we close ourselves off from the important and happy moments.  You were given this gift of a little boy... one that wanted to have you as parents and will bring something extra to your life.... I know how hard it is to think about how you are going to handle everything, but you also know the joy of accomplishing it.  And beware, my "false labor" pains I had for a straight month with my 3rd was ACTUALLY labor... but I never got passed the 4cm mark and admittance into the hospital.  I would reach a certain point w contractions and they would stop :(.  Before you know it, this pregnancy will be over and you will be holding a new life.... and all of this will be a memory!


Best of luck!

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