• In the Spotlight:

 i used to think that people with money problems just didn't work hard enough or that they just spent way too much money on things that they really didn't need

i couldn't understand how, why, or what made them get into trouble financially i figured that they must have done something wrong to get them into that place

well fast forward to my married life and the economy taking a nose dive that all started after i got married in june of 2001

life was good we had a good wedding and a great honeymoon we didn't spend on big things after we got married and bought what we needed and didn't always think much about it because we both worked full time

well come that sept my husbands company started laying off people and by feb of 2002 he lost his job and was unable to get another job in his field and couldn't find a job that paid as well as what he used to make

he tried to work where ever  and do what ever just to be working and he did but he would work for awhile and then get laid off because the company that hired him could afford to keep him

he then worked for a company that had him work part-time for 6 months and then finally laid him off and he didn't find a job(and part-time) until a year later and another 5 months before he worked full time again

he know makes a third of what he made when we first got married and half of what he made when we bought our house

what all this has taught me is that most people don't get into debt on purpose we had to charge things like food and rent because we had no cash to pay for it

yes some people over spend and don't care

he sent out hundreds of resumes with no call backs and went on countless interviews only to be told he wasn't what they were looking for(he has two college degrees) he applied everywhere for a job

well we couldn't afford to pay our mortgage and were unable to get any help from anyone so we are losing our house this month

we have lost friends mostly his friends who have done well with their lives(several have worked for the same company since high school and are now in their 40's) many people don't know how to act when others have faced trials some family has stopped inviting us to family functions

i know now who my true friends are that will share the good with us and encourage us in our time of need/sorrow

as we start to look for a new place to live and i pack things up i realize that it's just stuff that i have and it's just a building that i live in and that i can't take it with me

what i can take with me is my healthy children and husband and the love of my good friends and family

so my request to all of you is to not judge those who are struggling ask if they need anything, invite them over for dinner and a relaxing time

try to picture yourself in the position of need especially with the holidays coming is that gift that you have to get someone really that important? is that thing you're going out to buy a need or want? i still try to give whatever i can because there is always someone who needs more than me

Add A Comment

Comments:

Roisin07
Nov. 19, 2010 at 8:41 AM

well said

Message Friend Invite

Vinta...
Nov. 19, 2010 at 8:47 AM

Amen! I am sorry what you are going through. Hubby was retired from the Army due to his injuries so they give us disability and unemployment. He tries to get a job and has had several places say he was pretty much hired and then it gets down to the last persons decision and they are just too worried about his injuries to offer him the job. So we have learned that we aren't gonna be able to do vacations, buy new cars, etc. (not that we did before). I know what you mean about helping others less fortunate. Even though we aren't financially set, I still ask others if there is anything I can do for them. I don't want others feeling sorry for us. The Lord has blessed us with our health (okay, you know what i mean, my hubby didn't pass, he was just injured), our 3 kids, a home to rent for a very reasonable rate in a great school district, and Christmas for the kids. Is there anything you need?

Message Friend Invite

luvGo...
Nov. 19, 2010 at 9:37 AM

I'm sorry for what ur going through.  Been through some of it myself, but the things you've said here are very, very well spoken :)

Message Friend Invite

Chris...
Nov. 19, 2010 at 9:40 AM

I agree, well said.

Message Friend Invite

Maure...
Nov. 19, 2010 at 11:06 AM

I just lost my job Friday, and losing my home is what scares me most. We are cutting back as much as we can but we live paycheck to paycheck as it was and we really don't have alot of "extras" in our life. It has only been a week, but I have not gotten 1 single call, not even from the temp agencies I contacted, and I am starting to get really depressed.

I am proud of you for being able to stand tall, keeping the faith and walking the path that you are on. Me...I just want to sit in the corner and cry

Message Friend Invite

colum...
Nov. 19, 2010 at 11:23 AM

im glad someone spoke on this i have children and a year ago they were living fine not great but decent  this year its hard maybe no xmas and my five year old will be six on xmas eve, but i pray for strength my daughter will be leaving the nicu soon but the damage is dobe good luck dust it off and tr y again.

Message Friend Invite

thatg...
Nov. 19, 2010 at 12:18 PM

We are in the same boat. My husband sends out resume after resume and he gets told the same thing (if anyone ever bothers to tell him anything). He finally has an interview with a place (pay is less than what he was making before, but it's better than nothing), so fingers are crossed for that.

I'm sorry that you are losing your home. We are lucky, because his family does help us out so that we don't lose our home. I know so many families out there don't have that kind of help and we are very thankful for what we do have. Our son may not get a big Christmas this year, but he will be surrounded by people who love him.

You are an inspiration, keep your head up and I hope everything works out.

Message Friend Invite

Chris...
Nov. 19, 2010 at 3:51 PM

My son was born early, and I never returned to work after he was born because he has so many problems (developmental, ect.) and any child care that would have been willing to work with us (including doing his PT, OT, ect) would have eaten up my pay. My husband works on commission and things were OK for a But as the economy got worse and worse, people stopped being able to afford plumbers and started fixing things themselves. Times got tough and we lost our house, too. What sucks about that is that we had friends in a similar situation who were able to stay afloat about 5 or 6 months longer than us and got their loan modified by that Obama plan. We couldn't hold on that long. What sucks even more than any of that....we just found out on Wednesday that my husband's employer is selling out so now all the guys have to go re-interview for their jobs under the new ownership. We doubt that he'll get to stay on because they look at every aspect of the employee, and my husband had a claim against Worker's Comp last year when he tore his tendon and had surgery on his elbow. I know they can't really discriminate for that, but we think they will because now he can't lift his big machines as well as most of the other guys. We'll just have to see how things play out, but we're thinking his last day will be Nov. 30th. Less than a month before Christmas.....I hate his job. Anyway, you're totally not alone in this, and just try to stay positive. That's what I'm trying to do!

Message Friend Invite

SirsMom
Nov. 19, 2010 at 4:17 PM

I am sorry to hear about what has transpired for your family, but I am glad to hear, that you have realized that not all people spend friviously.  This economy is horrible for most of us these days and doesn't seem like there is any relief in site.  I too know live from paycheck to paycheck, one check does nothing other than cover my rent, which is going up when my lease is up on January.  I haven't received my normal child support in 2 years.  While I have a job and am very thankful for my job, I have only recently gotten my full 40 hours back.  I only have one person that helps us out, with food and I go to the food bank once a month.  I know that others have it worse, and I am sorry for that.  My sons dad is losing his house in January, the house my son has known since he was 5 months old.  Christmas!  I can't even think about Christmas.  There will nothing financially left for my son to get Christmas, he too will only be surrounded by those that love him.

I watched Dateline over a year ago and watched a couple bitch and moan because they lost their 8,000 sq ft home, their children could no longer go to private school that cost them $15, 000 for each child a year.  The mom didn't want to work and the dad couldn't find work, when he did finally found work, he was disgusted by the fact that he had to deliver pizzas, he made the comment that it was stupid work and was meant for someone who didn't give a crap.  They both said, they were embarrassed and they were even more embarrassed to make new friends that we beneath them.  Who talks like this?  Did they get it that this is how most people live?  Did they really need an 8,000 sq ft home for 4 people?  I hate to say it, but as far as this particular couple, I had no compassion, not after listening to their inane comments.

Anyway, what I want to say to you, is that I am truly sorry for you, but I also want to thank you for now seeing that some of us are not lazy and are doing the best we can with what we have.  Thank you very much for sharing your pain.

My prayers are with you.

love you sign

Message Friend Invite

momof...
Nov. 19, 2010 at 4:20 PM

wow..I am so sorry you are going through this..can  i ask you a questions though? My dh works in the home loan preservation department for a bank and with the loss of income that you stated it sounds like you could get approved for a loan modification. Have you tried talking DIRECTLY to your bank and asking for a home loan modification?

Message Friend Invite

Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?

Sign up for CafeMom!

Already a member? Click here to log in