Would you sign your little one up for a Mother's day out program if they had really bad attachment issues? I'm talking to the point that no one can watch her without them ending up on the porch crying themselves?

A little background info. I got really sick after DD was born and spent 2 almost 2 wks separated from her due to being in the hospital. I had to have mag. sulfate treatment, seizure watch, etc. My DH was unable to bring her up to see me often b/c of the stress he was under. We have really no support system and he was at home with a newborn with formula/colic issues and 4 year old that has special issues...wife in the hospital. I was very worried then about our bonding. It seems as though we are very much bonded and she has a strong attachment to me. I don't know if this stems from when I was in the hospital or just her personality.

The thing now is..she is 15 months today and my inlaws can no longer watch her. We only get a date night maybe once every few months..for just a few hours.. and they are the only ones that watch our girls. My parents can't due to other factors and we have no friends that we can ask. They have probably watched her a total of 3-4 times total in her life (including a time when our oldest had to have surgery 4 hrs away) and she has screamed from the moment I left. If I am there she is fine and if she can see me she is fine. It's just when I leave and she is like this at home as well. If I take a shower she cries at the door until I am done and DH is with her. If I leave to go to the store...she screams with him too. On our last date day we were only a couple of hours into our date when FIL called wanting to know when we would be back. MIL was on the front porch crying. They just couldn't console her in anyway. As soon as I came through the door she was fine and immediately stopped crying. As a result they have been honest with us...they feel she needs to be older before they can watch her.

I love that we have a strong bond, but I want her to be more independent. My oldest was a very independent child and I never had this issue with her. Do you think a Mother's day out program for a couple hours a week at church.. would that help her? Or what should I do? Should I just wait and see if she grows out of it...help her to try to be more independent? I could really use some advice or ideas. I'm really at a loss.

I just want to make sure that it's a thing that should be addressed, instead of later. I also don't want her missing out on anything in the future due to not wanting to leave my side.

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Nov. 19, 2010 at 4:13 PM

Yes, leave her. Its good for her. Tell the person who is watching her, if she is crying, she is breathing.  Sounds harsh, but she will never learn if you feed into this behavior. The older she gets, the harder it will be to break and will cause OCD conditions.

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Nov. 20, 2010 at 6:09 AM

If you don't think that this is normal Call her doctor first. Before you just leave her. Kids go through these stages.It is normal. But they normaly stop crying after a few mins. If kids don't stop crying after a few mins. that is not normal.

Also it might be she dont feel safe with her grandparents. Remember she see you as her everything. You take care of her 100% of the time. Everything will work out in the long run.

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Nov. 20, 2010 at 12:20 PM

TY Msugar....I definitely do not want that. My oldest was diagnosed with OCD and borderline Autistic last year. So I know that it's can be hard at times.

TY Misty...You always have the right words and a good friend to me!

I think I will sign her up in January after the Holidays. I think she will need time to adjust, but I think it will be really good for her.

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