I miss the days when I could look forward to the holidays. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with family and sharing these moments with my children. But ever since my mom's mind started going last year its hard to let loose and truly enjoy these things. Mostly cause when it happens the only person she trusts that she can call on is me. She never really had a close bond with my sister, and for some unknown reason when it happens she fears my dad. My dad is a loving man, who cares for his family. When we were younger he would always make sure we got nice things, I didn't know till later he was working 3 jobs. He's never given anyone any reason to believe he'd be a violent man. But when mom has her paranoia spells, she believes that dad is abusing her, is violent, and intends to kill her. It kills him when this happens, it kills all of us but him the most. The simple things that most women complain about their husband doing gets her worked up, depressed, then the crazy thoughts sink in. She halucinates. When it happened last year we sent her to a mental hospital where she was treated for paranoia, depression, and a severe UTI. Supposedly if a UTI gets too severe it can cause these things, so they left it at that, gave her some meds just in case and that was that. She took herself off her meds. And now the paranoid, scared woman is back and its beginning to take a real toll on me. I've now got a 2 month old to take care of along with my 3 y/o. SO is still unemployed but he's been doing some bounty hunting on the side to get extra cash, so he's not always available. I don't like exposing the children to her psychotic behavior, DS used to stay with them on the weekend but right now I'm putting a stop to that. I don't know what she says and does when I'm not around, heck half the time she doesn't know. I strongly believe she needs to go back to the mental hospital and get this settled out before Christmas rolls around again. She missed Christmas last year. She especially needs to be there for Lillie's 1st Christmas and Aidan's birth and 1st Christmas (my sisters little boy due Dec. 17th). I know she would not want to miss that, but she doesn't realize in this state how much she'll lose by not getting help. She's convinced she's fine and its dad that needs the help and she refuses to go back to the mental hospital since they didn't help her last time. I've tried telling her that this time around will be different. They have record of her last stay and know how she was treated and would know they need to try something different. But she won't listen. I don't know what to do. We all don't know what to do.

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