Finally, after nearly 4 months unemployed on virtually no savings, we finally have some good news!  DH had all the screening test stuff for the Memphis police department today and passed with flying colors!  He's still got to pass the psych test and the backgound check (no probem there), but that shouldn't be an issue.  So he *should* be lined up to start the police academy - and start getting paid! - beginning of January.  Thank God!  We've been on the verge of not making our rent or bills for months, just narrowly scraping by with help from family.  So now if we can make it through December and come up with January's rent we should be fine (knocks vigorously on wood).
 
I wouldn't say anything because I'm so terribly afraid I may jinx it somehow, but I'm just so relieved I have to post something.  We've both been so intensely stressed for so long, and so afraid of what may happen if we couldn't make ends meet.  Afraid of having to move again, afraid of it coming down to bills or groceries, afraid of uprooting the kids again or worrying them.  I know it's made DH feel like a failure knowing he wasn't providing for us the way he wanted.  After so much rejection, finally some validation for him - somebody thinks he's worth hiring.  And we won't have to be a charity case, we won't need our family to help us just to make rent or buy groceries, and we won't need unemployment or the state to help us in any way.  Things may be tighter than they used to be when he was a marine, but at least we'll be independent and self-relient again.  That alone means so much.
 
So now it's just a matter of making ends meet through the new year.  We have all our bills paid for this month, and DH says we have December's rent, though I think he's adding wrong and we're a couple hundred short.  But my in-laws will be able to help us one more time with that if that's the case, or my grandparents.  We can make up that much.  DH will have to hunt down some temporary or seasonal job, whatever he can find to get us through the end of the year until the academy can pick up.  Hopefully something during the day so he can get up early in the morning and run or workout so he can get back in shape and ready for the police academy.  But really whatever he can get that'll get us enough money for a month or so will do.  Worst case scenario there is he goes back to working at the bar for a few weeks.  Two weeks there should make enough to get us through December, a third week may even make us enough to actually pay for some of the kids' Christmas presents ourselves.
 
It's going to be a sad Christmas for me, I hate that I can't just buy the kids whatever I want.  I know it seems shallow, but a major way I show my love for people is by buying them things I know will make them happy, so Christmas is a big deal for me.  I love finding presents I know my family will enjoy, I love the shopping, the buying, the wrapping, the anticipation of waiting to see them unwap it and seeing their reaction.  So it's hard for me sitting by, watching the days count down closer and closer, and not allowing myself to buy them even small things.  Of course our family's buying them all sorts of things, they always do, and the kids are so little they won't even notice.  And I'll pick them up something each, even if it's just a barbie for Gwennie and some matchbox cars for Cy, something cheap like that.  But it's going to be depressing for me.  Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.
 
One up side for me though is it looks like I'll be able to 1) get the Essure permanent BC procedure I want to get done sometime in the next few months, and 2) be able to wean Felix to formula soon.  I can't wait to stop nursing, I just don't feel like myself when I'm BFing.  I don't enjoy it and my hormones stay like when I'm pregnant and I just don't feel right.  So I'll be glad to switch to formula whenever we have the money to buy it.  As for the Essure, I'm so glad we'll have medical insurance again and ought to be able to get it done!  It's non-hormonal and permanent, so we'll never have to worry about BC or getting pregnant again.  Right now I'm not on anything, and DH and I haven't exactly been great about using condoms, so I'm so afraid to have sex with him.  I'm fairly sure I haven't ovulated, or am even anywhere close to ovulating, guessing by how little sex drive I have, which is typically a pretty infallible means of guessing when I'm ovulating, but you just never know. .I cannot get pregnant again, I can't stand it, I don't know what I'd do.  It'll be such a weight off my mind to know it won't happen and there's nothing to worry about.  To have my hormones back to normal, including my sex drive, and not have to worry about getting pregnant would be simply incredible.  I can't wait.  :)
 
All told though, we certainly have something to be thankful for and a lot to appreciate this Thanksgiving.  Far more than any year before.

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