Well-behaved women

rarely make history.

My mother is a hoarder.

She'll tell you she's not, but she is. One look at her house and you'd go "Yep! Cait you're right, she's a hoarder." A lot of guilt goes along with her hoarding behavior. You see, if I'm not EXACTLY like her, she makes me feel guilty.

I'm not "allowed" to throw anything away or give anything away, especially baby items and toys. Goodness forbid someone actually want my grubby secondhand things in the family! No, it's unacceptable to donate my things to Goodwill or HFH so someone I don't know can enjoy it.

She tells me I don't appreciate anything that's given to me. If she buys (sometimes unwanted but still appreciated) toys or clothing for Joss, keeping it for six months or a year is just too short. Even if Joss grows out of her clothing, I "must keep it" for posterity.

Who knows who will have a girl in the future? Even if it's 20 years down the road, don't you think they'll appreciate outdated, nasty handmedowns????!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'm sick of it.

I want to learn how to get the fuck over my mother's guilt trips. I will not be a hoarder. I refuse to be one.

How should I respond when my mom tells me I'm unappreciative, that she'll never buy Joss anything ever again because I just throw it away (IE give it away to needy people), AND when she tells the entire family that I'm unappreciative at every chance she gets?

No, seriously, she tells EVERYONE. It's like she gets some sick kicks out of making me feel like a shitty person. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh.

Yes, I've tried saying "MOM, it hurts when you talk like that."

and she responds with "CAITLIN, if you would just keep things in storage I wouldn't have a problem with it!"

Guilt guilt guilt. I'm a big girl, I'm married, I'm a mom, I have my own home and when someone gives me something, it is MY choice what to do with it. Jossalyn wears every single last piece of clothing people buy her. We haven't had to buy her very many clothes at all in her entire life. 95% of her wardrobe was bought by someone else. So it's not like I'm giving things away with the tags still on them.


UGH.

Help.

She's just toxic.

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Comments:

mcque...
Nov. 21, 2010 at 3:32 PM

Sending you a big hug!!!!!!!

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Heath...
Nov. 21, 2010 at 3:46 PM

Tell her that you don't have the money to pay for storage.. then if she wants to pay for it, let her put the stuff in there. *shrugs*  do you live with her? If not, then I really don't see how it's any of her business. Don't tell her you are giving things away. If she asks, just tell her that it's buried in storage somewhere. :) LOL

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firel...
Nov. 21, 2010 at 4:24 PM

when you have received something as a gift it is yours to do with as you see fit, not the person who gives it to you. It is acceptable to pass on clothes that have been out grown, if it is worn out throw it away, turn it into a quilt or save the buttons if they are worth keeping if it makes you feel better, but do not allow someone else to control your life when they can not control them selves.

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sherriet
Nov. 22, 2010 at 12:13 AM

Hugs.  Recognizing that she's toxic is the first step.  Not letting her have power is next.  I know it's hard - my mom is toxic, too.  Your family members can see how she is and how you are.  They know something isn't right and don't take her word at face value. Eventually someone will call her on her bull.

Let the knowledge that you're doing better and teaching your sweet girl to be generous make you stronger.

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