Today I have decided that I no longer wanted to be a mother. It requires to much of time for others and no time for myself. I haven't been out with friends since I gave birth to my first child. I haven't been able to find a job or keep one. I haven't been able to keep a phone on because I have no job. I haven't been able to do anything and goddamn it Im tired of being alone and crying daily. This is hurting my spirit, my heart, my mind, my body, and my soul. I don't want to feel this pain NO MORE. I don't want to be alone NO MORE. I don't want to be without a job and wearing the same clothes every week for the last four years NO MORE. I don't want to be denied the right to live and be happy NO MORE.

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Comments:

Alynn74
Nov. 22, 2010 at 3:54 PM

I'm sorry you feel this way. I hope things turn around for you soon.

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misty...
Nov. 22, 2010 at 4:12 PM

Sorry to hear this.......I hope that you make sure your child is taken care of before walking away.......good luck.

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LadyS...
Nov. 22, 2010 at 4:20 PM

Nov. 22, 2010 at 4:12 PM

Sorry to hear this.......I hope that you make sure your child is taken care of before walking away.......good luck.

I agree with this

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gypsy...
Nov. 22, 2010 at 8:14 PM

I've been there, love. It does get better, but you have to be the one responsible for it. No one is going to come and rescue you...you have to rescue yourself (and your child).

Good luck!

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mommo...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 6:30 AM

I am in a similar situation.  I'm a single mom of two and it's been very difficult finding a job, especially with the economy as bad as it is.  Just know that you are not alone.  Have you told anyone close to you about your feelings? They're normal, so don't be afraid. Everyone feels this way at one point or another, whether they want to admit it or not.  It's a passing thought for most mother's, but a thought nonetheless  Maybe check out a Women's Shelter in your area... they offer free counseling, support groups, etc.  Your child could even join one. 

Please keep this in mind: Your negative feelings are a product of your negative situation -- it's not your child and it's not "you" -- and it's not permanent!  If you believe in God, pray to Him.  Best wishes..

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Mikey
Nov. 23, 2010 at 12:36 PM

really? and how do you plan on going about this?

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BEXi
Nov. 23, 2010 at 1:09 PM

Moms are supposed to be SELFLESS not SELFISH. I feel horrible for your children.

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BEXi
Nov. 23, 2010 at 1:10 PM

No momm,anmamamamamsjddjmonaamamyidiot- those feelings go beyond "normal" when you start making public announcements about how you want your life back. This is the most selfish journal post ive ever seen. I guess the love for your kids isnt worth giving up some of your own free time? How sad!

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unl3ved
Nov. 23, 2010 at 1:29 PM

My mother walked out when I was eight years old, my sister four. She was weak, selfish..  I'm 27 now, four kids...  recently divorced after almost ten years....  I got married at 18 , I had my first child at 17. I went to school. I have held jobs. I don't walk around in the same clothes.

 

BOO HOO!!!  Everyone has it hard!

You know what?? I WOULD NEVER WALK OUT ON MY KIDS. NEVER.

You're being weak. And honestly, the fact that you're even thinking this shows that you don't DESERVE to have kids. 

All the women on this thread, patting you on the back... comforting you? Ha, not me. Like I said, I HAVE BEEN THE KID WHOS MOTHER LEFT.  And altough I was rasied by an amazing single dad.. I NEVER got over my mother leaving.

 

You're a selfish women. Karma will find you honey. 

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cuten...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 1:34 PM

ok obviously you are hurting. it will get better. its all in your head, you have to will yourself. and its very hard but you can do it. imagine you are the child of the mother saying this. how would you feel. i think you are just thinking out loud and need support. times are hard right now just do what you can. dont give up!!! motherhood is a blessing learn to cherish it not give it up. remember KARMA affects everyone. i wish you the best.

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